


How to Disregard the Third Date Rule

by yxnnefer



Series: Kaidan Alenko's School Survival Guide [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Custom Shepard (Mass Effect), Friends With Benefits, Hair-pulling, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Making Out, Multi, Mutual Pining, Praise Kink, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11441505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yxnnefer/pseuds/yxnnefer
Summary: The final guide of Kaidan’s high school career is one that teaches you how to have sex with Shepard, the guy you’ve been pining for since fourth year,Or,Kaidan discovers a little too late that becoming friends-with-benefits with your crush is never a clever idea.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> contrary to the what the summary suggests and the title of the series, this is not written like a guide. That would've been so fun though!

The first day back at school was going about as well as Kaidan ever could’ve hoped it would go. Namely, it was not going well. He found himself throwing up in his third period class, History, and was now curled up on the bed in the nurse’s office with the worst migraine he’d had in months. The kind of migraine that made him wince at the overwhelming brightness of the room despite the lights having been dimmed down.

He stared blankly into the small bin the nurse, Ms. Michel had left beside the bed. Gradually, he could feel the pain on the right side of his head begin to bleed away but it was incredibly slow going. It always was.

Ms. Michel had suggested that he take the rest of the day off, considering that he hadn’t had any migraines in a while and this one was taking a particularly large toll on his body. He never usually vomited unless it was an unusually dreadful headache.

However, being the stubborn person he was, Kaidan refused to go home. It was the first day of his sixth and final year at the Jon Grissom Academy and he was determined to get through the entire first day, even if that meant napping in Ms. Michel’s office for the entirety of his third and fourth periods.

Kaidan pulled himself into a sitting position so he could check his phone. The homescreen was a selfie of him with Liara and Tali at their last get-together at Liara’s house, the final Friday before school started. In the photo, Tali had an arm around Kaidan’s shoulder, despite the fact she was practically a head shorter than him. She was sporting a wide, silly grin and posing with the bottle of vodka she’d managed to empty by herself.

In the photograph, just in front of Kaidan and Tali stood Liara. She was the one holding the phone to take the photo. Her smile was softer and much more contained compared to the one Tali wore. In the hand not taking the photo, she held a can of Sprite. Liara wasn’t particularly big on drinking. Didn’t see the appeal in being inebriated, instead she preferred her senses remain sharp and she didn’t wake up with a debilitating hangover the next morning. And not to mention, one of her mothers was a bartender and Liara constantly complained about having to put up with the smell of cheap beer whenever Aethyta came home from a shift.

Kaidan looked a little bland standing next to his two best friends in the pic. Both girls wore fun, neon-coloured hairstyles and Kaidan, with his curly dark hair and plain features, bled into the background like a wallflower. Both Liara and Tali were people who commanded attention from everyone, whilst Kaidan was the reserved one who kept to himself. Liara, although quiet like Kaidan, or perhaps even quieter, was the type of girl that caught your eye simply because she was mysterious. A puzzle you didn’t know if you’d be able to solve. There was an intrigue to her due to her deep blue eyes and matching coloured hair. He was so… boring compared to her.

And then there was Tali. Gorgeous and charming Tali. In the selfie, her royal purple hair was pulled into two buns on the top of her head, which Kaidan remembered her telling him that they were called ‘space buns’. To be honest, he didn’t understand why or how they related to space, but he knew that it was fashionable because Tali said so. And Tali was fashionable and fun and full of life. She got along with most and her good looks always placed her in the spotlight.

Although he loved Liara and Tali, knew them well and knew that behind their bright exteriors they were nerdy and slightly anti-social just like him, he felt like he was the unessential friend. The person that could disappear and most people wouldn’t notice or care.

He shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts, pressing the home button of his phone once again. This time looking at the time that faded onto the screen and ignoring the background photo. His phone read ‘12:27’. The bell for lunch would be ringing in a few minutes. Since Liara was the one who escorted him to the nurse’s office when he vomited in History, she’d likely be the one to swing by once the bell rang, to check up on him and make sure that he had lunch. 

Kaidan was correct. Mere moments after the bell had loudly ‘brnnng’d, the sound making Kaidan clutch his head in pain. Liara was rapping lightly at the door. She pushed it open and peaked into the room, offering a pitying smile when Kaidan’s gaze met her own.

“I won’t ask how you’re feeling because your appearance just about gives it away.”

“Like shit?” Kaidan guessed. Liara nodded and he chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” After getting to his feet, he slung his heavy bag onto his back, groaning at the weight. He’d hoped that he’d gently be eased back into the schoolwork after returning after the summer, but he was oh so wrong. Teachers had been throwing textbooks and study guides his way since the minute he stepped onto the school’s grounds.

The pair made their way to the canteen at a relaxed pace, Liara going over some of the work he had missed in History with promise to Snapchat him pictures of her notes in the evening. Kaidan could proudly say, as he listened to Liara’s gentle voice talk about the Third Reich, that his migraine had near dissipated. The fluorescent lights used in the corridors of the academy weren’t bothering him as much anymore so that was a good sign.

They entered the canteen to see Tali and Joker already sat down across from each other at their usual table. Tali, being the one who faced the door, waved as they approached.

He hadn’t even said ‘hello’ before Joker said, “You look like shit, man.” That was Joker for you. He was pretty much just a blunt asshole. However, today he seemed a bigger asshole than usual. His arms were crossed defensively and he had the most hostile scowl Kaidan had seen him wear in a while. Not since the last time James had gotten him naked in strip poker. Joker had the worst poker face after all.

Joker’s scowl screamed ‘piss me off further and you’ll regret it.’ Kaidan itched to know what had bothered Joker so badly.

“So anyway, what’s wrong with you? You look like someone pissed in your cereal,” Kaidan said, taking the seat on Tali’s left as Liara took the one on her right.

Tai groaned. The sound was a mixture of frustration and utter agony. A Russian word fell from her mouth and despite Kaidan not knowing any Russian, he knew this word was a curse, having heard her say in aggravation before. “Do not get him started! He refuses to shut up about it!”

“About what?” Liara enquired.

"There's a new girl in my physics class. Her name's Edi and fuck, she's so... annoying!" Joker groaned. Aggravation for the girl, clear on his face. "She thinks she's so smart! And the way she speaks is so... formal and it pisses me off. It's like talking to a computer! 'Oh, Mr. Moreau, it seems that you've made an error with your rounding in this calculation.' Who the shit calls people Mr?"

"I think I know who you're talking about," Liara said. "She's very pretty. Transferred here from Germany actually.”

“Who transfers in their last year?” Joker exclaimed, exasperated and wanting to find fault in every single thing this Edi girl did. “And I suppose you’re not wrong about her being pretty. I mean, objectively, she is attractive. Her face is practically symmetrical, like, what gives? But that is so not the point! She’s annoying!”

“You liiiiiiiiike her,” accused Tali, enunciating the word ‘like’ for emphasis. “You don’t have to act like a child about it. Girls don’t have cooties.”

Joker rolled his eyes at her, leaning back on his chair. "If anyone's the germaphobe it's you, Tali. You're terrified of the common cold and refuse to date anyone because of that." he scoffed.

"Do you know how much bacteria is exchanged during kissing? You'd never want to kiss anyone ever again!” She shivered at the thought. “Besides, we're grilling you right now, not me! I may be a germaphobe but you're like, scared of women or something.”

"Uh, no. I'm not scared of women. I'm scared of having sex with women. I can break a bone from some light over-the-clothes action, thank you very much," Joker said, glaring at Tali.

Tali shrugged. “Well, still. This girl’s gotten you worked up. I want to meet her.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to be nice to this Edi girl,” Kaidan said, reaching into his bag and rumbling about for his packed lunch. “She’s new after all, in a completely different country and everything.” He took out his steak sandwich, making a noise of appreciation as he bit down into the meat.

Joker mumbled something that sounded like, “I guess you’re right,” and the conversation halted there, instead, everyone’s attention had been captivated by their food.

Kaidan had just finished his sandwich when Liara cleared her throat to get the group’s attention. “Joker’s girlfriend is over there.”

(Joker’s, “ugh. she’s not my girlfriend,” went ignored.)

Tali had to straighten her back to try and peek over Joker’s head and find who Liara was  
pointing out. “The tall one with the silver hair?” asked Tali. When Liara nodded she all but squealed. “She’s gorgeous! Joker, if you don’t ask her out, I’m murdering you.”

Kaidan skimmed the crowds to find this Edi girl. He spotted her within seconds. The silver hair caught his attention first but after her hair, the second thing he noticed about her was that she was really damn tall. She was wearing heeled shoes, but even without them she'd probably have a few inches on him. Thirdly, he noticed that she had an abundance of piercings. Her ears mainly, but a few jewels adorned her face too. Her septum and philtrum in particular.

“So tall girls, Joker? Or is it her alternative look that drew you in?” Liara asked teasingly. Her face stayed straight, as it usually was, but Kaidan caught sight of the slight curl of her mouth as she smirked.

"If you don't act fast, I may have to ask her out myself," Kaidan said, jokingly. Edi was definitely pretty and he could appreciate her good looks, but he wasn't looking for a relationship. Okay, that was a blatant lie. He was totally looking for a relationship but only with a particular guy at his school who insisted everyone called him by his last name. That was never going to happen though.

“That’s not funny, Alenko.”

“I thought you didn't like her," said Liara, one eyebrow raised as she stared down Joker. She was good at making people talk. She had a fierce stare; her cold blue eyes could bore a hole into you until you had to confess.

Joker sighed loudly and dramatically. "Until I get my feelings about her sorted, I call dibs on asking her out. I'm not concerned about Alenko because he's currently got his panties in a twist over Shepard but you, T'soni? I've got my eye on you."

“Shut up,” grumbled Kaidan. He wasn’t going to say more than that, knew that fighting with Joker wasn’t worth it. Especially when he was right. 

Tali’s eyes lit up as she read something on her phone. She’d been curiously quiet the past few minutes and it was odd, Kaidan had concluded. Her attention had quickly been captivated by her phone after she saw what Edi looked like. Most shockingly, she didn’t join Liara when she was teasing Joker.

She was definitely ‘getting in’ with someone. He could tell by the way she smiled ever so slightly when a new text came in and how she frantically moved her thumbs to reply as fast as humanly possible. The most important question, however, was who?

Tali wasn’t known to be good at keeping secrets from her friends, in fact, she was pretty bad at it. She’d have told Kaidan about this guy the minute they started texting. It was suspicious that she hadn’t said anything.

He’d keep quiet about it for now, but he was going to call her out on it later.

“Oh cool! Miranda put up a post on Facebook about a party she’s having this Saturday,” Tali announced. “We should go.”

“Sounds good,” Kaidan said. He turned to Joker. “Any chance we’ll convince you to come for once?”

Joker scoffed. “Me? Going to a party? Where people are going to be drunk idiots? All I’m going to be doing is watching dancing from the sidelines. May I remind you, because it seems that you’ve forgotten, I can’t dance.” He gestured at his crutches that were resting against the wall next to their table.

“Shepard can’t dance either but he’s never missed any of Miranda’s parties,” Tali argued. “Nobody is worse than him.”

She wasn’t wrong. Man had two left feet and absolutely no rhythm in his bones. It was endearing to Kaidan. The guy was smart, witty, slightly harsh but still well-liked. Yet, despite being so seemingly perfect, he had faults as simple as being a bad dancer. 

“Yeah, well, we’re never finding out if I’m worse or not. The less broken bones the better.”

Tali huffed and gave up trying to fight him. Joker was as stubborn as all hell. However, her phone alerted her that a text had come in and she grinned like the cat that got the cream. She looked up from her phone and said, “Edi’s going to be there.”

That caught Joker’s attention. “That so?” he carefully replied.

Liara nodded. “I can back it up. Samantha just messaged me. I can recite it: ‘double exclamation marks. All caps. Can you believe it? Triple question marks. In Engineering Science, Edi (the hot new girl, heart eye emoji) told Garrus and me she was looking forward to going to Miranda’s party, and then asked if we could go together. Exclamation mark. God is smiling down upon me. Prayer hand emoji’”

Joker’s head snapped up to look at Liara as if she’d sprouted another head. “What the fuck? Sam’s into Edi?” 

Tali raised an eyebrow at Joker. "I'm not saying you should come to the party just to sabotage - I mean oversee - Edi and Sam's developing relationship, I'm just saying you should come just to do exactly that.”

“Ah shit, I’m going to have to go to this party.” Joker sighed, his head falling to his hands in a melodramatic manner.

“Well,” Kaidan said. “You don’t have to go.”

“No, no. You don’t get it,” Joker snapped. “Sam’s not snatching the smart and pretty girl from under me.”

“He admits it,” Liara said, voice monotone that truly showed the utmost shock they all felt. “Perhaps there is some hope for you, Jeff.”

Joker made a noise of frustration. “Oh be quiet, Liara. You’re driving, yeah?” She nodded. “Then I’m going to the party.”

Tali whooped in happiness. “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

Lunch was fairly uneventful after that. Liara and Joker discussed the dynamics of space for a good quarter of an hour. And then Tali’s stomach began to grumble despite having eaten already and Kaidan had to stop her from buying a cheese sandwich from the canteen because goddammit she was lactose intolerant and he was done with her making herself sick because she enjoyed eating cheese. Liara, like the stern mother she was, gave Tali a lecture on why she should eat food that wouldn’t make her unbelievably ill. She sat and pouted like a small child the whole time.

Joker collected his crutches and left the table first. He always tried to get to his classes earliest, so he’d miss the crowds in the hallways and the first year kids that always seemed to topple into him despite the fact he was clearly using crutches. He’d always rant angrily about how they should take more care and “not break my fucking bones, please and thank you,” as he would put it.

Then it was just Tali, Liara and Kaidan left at the table. The twinkling look in Liara’s eye let Kaidan know that she too was aware of Tali’s suspicious texting activity.

“Tali Zorah,” said Liara, taking on the same motherly tone she did when she scolded Tali about the cheese. Tali cringed in response, knowing she was away to get into ‘trouble’ or so speak. “You’re getting in with someone.”

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Tali squeaked, her hands involuntary going to her phone that was laying on the table, to quickly shove into her jacket pocket. “What makes you think that?” she asked before forcing a very fake giggle. The embarrassment in the giggle, however, was real.

“You’ve been glued to your phone all lunch,” Kaidan pointed out and then physically pointed at the phone in her pocket. “Hiding it now seems a bit suspicious.”

“I was checking Facebook!” she huffed, “you know, for info about Miranda’s party.”

“Right…” Liara said. She pursed her lips as she thought things over. It was her thinking face. Suddenly, her face relaxed and Kaidan knew that she had an idea. “Tali… It’s not like you to keep things from us…”

Tali sighed. Guilt tripping was always the way to go with her. “It’s not like that!” she argued. “It’s just different this time.”

Kaidan crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair. Shrugging, he asked, “How so?”

“I’ve never dated someone within our friendship group.”

Now Kaidan was curious. Who? He had to know! Stat!

“Besides, we’re not dating. We’re hardly even flirting if I’m honest…” Tali brought her phone out again and looked down at the device somberly. 

“Is it Garrus?”

Kaidan had to do a double take when he heard what Liara asked. Garrus and Tali? Together. Wait, that made so much sense. The teasing glances Tali gave Garrus, the ones Kaidan would mistake as glares of pretend scorn. The way Garrus would fiddle with the collar of his shirt whenever Tali was around, or awkwardly adjust his cufflinks. He inwardly groaned for not seeing it before.

“H-how did you know?” Tali exclaimed.

Liara smiled gently. Perceptive Liara figured out everything with such ease. You could never lie to her. “An estimated guess. You said Edi was coming to Miranda’s party after getting a text from someone?” Tali nodded. “Well, I assumed it was Garrus since Samantha, Garrus and Edi all had Engineering Science during fourth period,” she explained.

“I should really know better than to try and hide things from you…” Tali mumbled.

“Why did you then?” he asked. “It’s not like we were gonna be mad. Vakarian’s a good guy, even if his reputation doesn’t back it up.”

“Yeah… I well, I dunno. This is new territory for me. I’m used to kinda, dating guys with no repercussions. Like, when I broke up with Veetor you guys literally never realised he’d stopped hanging out with us.” Tali shrugged a little shyly. “I really like Garrus and he’s a good friend. If things didn’t work out between us, it would kinda affect our friendship group. And it’s our last year. We have a solid dynamic. I don’t want to sour our last year by ruining my friendship with Garrus.”

Kaidan, listening intently to Tali’s spiel about her worries, nodded in understanding. Honestly, he related. He worried about the same kinda stuff because of his crush on Shepard. Except his feelings weren’t reciprocated.

“It’s more than that, though, isn’t it?” Liara said, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Tali’s. “You’re scared.”

Tali nodded silently. “I know I’m not not experienced but Garrus… has a reputation for breaking hearts. I know most of it’s bullshit… I mean, we’re friends with him and that’s totally not like him… but still…”

“You’ll just have to take that leap,” Kaidan said. “You like him. He likes you. Just see where it goes. You can’t blindly follow all rumours and believe them. Besides, have you seen him flirt? Because I have, and it does not correspond to the whole ‘bad boy’ reputation he has.”

Tali giggled in response and seeing her smile made Kaidan smile. “Thanks, guys. I… I think I’m going to ask him out for dinner and ‘just see where it goes.’”

“ Good idea, love,” Liara said, smiling sweetly.

The bell rang moments after Tali sent out her text asking Garrus on a date. Kaidan quickly scoured his bag for his timetable and checked it for his afternoon classes. A double of Maths. He sighed. Great.

Tali gave him a quick hug as thanks for the advice about Garrus before running for her next class. Liara headed the same way Tali did, leaving Kaidan to walk by himself towards the Maths department. 

He trekked through the corridors, making his way to Mr. Arterius’ class. Upon opening the door, he didn’t immediately spot anyone he was friends with. But then he heard his name being called out.

“Hey, Kaidan!” Shepard called, sitting at a desk at the far corner of the class. “C’mere!” He waved Kaidan over.

“Hi,” Kaidan said, taking the seat next to Shepard. “I’m so glad I’m not alone in this class.”

Shepard grinned. “Uh, there’s like a class full of people in here, Kaidan. I thought this was Advanced Higher Maths? Can you not count?” 

Kaidan rolled his eyes but grinned in return. “Oh, shut up, Shepard. You know what I meant.”

His grin didn’t go away even as they silenced, waiting on their teacher to arrive. Kaidan thanked whatever Gods there were out there for putting Shepard and him in the same class, but also cursed them because this was going to be a hellish year and he needed to fully concentrate instead of being distracted by staring at Shepard's strong profile all the time. 

Kaidan sighed, already falling into the trap of distraction that Shepard always caused him. He looked over at the boy sitting next to him, studying the face he’d studied a time too many. Shepard had a hooked nose, ever so slightly tilted to the right, very clearly from being broken once (or maybe more) in the past. His brows, furrowed almost permanently and with the scar that ran through the right one. His lips were thin and severe, naturally looking like he was scowling at everyone. He and Joker had that in common. Blake Shepard was not a conventionally attractive man. But Kaidan was deeply, deeply in love with his rough facial structure. He was like broken china porcelain. Jagged but still gorgeous.

“Kaidan!”

A pause and then-

“Kaidan Alenko!”

Shit. It was the register.

“Here!” he replied.

Mr. Arterius scowled. “Alenko, if you don’t concentrate during the register I can promise you you’re going to have a very difficult time passing Advanced Higher Maths. If you even get through the first unit that is.”

“You say the same thing every year to every single student,” spat Shepard. “Besides, give Kaidan break. He’s first on the register and you were late for your own class.”

Saren pinched the bridge of his nose, taking in a deep breath to calm himself. His eyes narrowed, staring down Shepard’s lax figure, swinging back on his seat. “I warn you to watch your mouth this year, Blake. You’re a sixth year. I shouldn’t have to send you down to Guidance every lesson. You need to learn your place.”

Shepard said nothing but the roll of his eyes showed his lack of care. Mr. Arterius returned to calling out the register.

“Sheesh,” Kaidan said quietly, turning round to face Shepard. “Is Mr. Arterius always so pissy?”

“This is him being relatively tame.” Shepard popped a piece of gum in his mouth, giving it a few chews before he waved the packet in Kaidan’s direction. He shook his head. Rather not piss off Mr. Arterius further.

“He really seems to have it out for you,” Kaidan pointed out. Shepard seemed to grin at that.

“He’s been my maths teacher for six years straight and he’s hated my guts since day one.” He sat back in his seat, resting his arms behind his head like a support for his neck. He looked so relaxed, Kaidan thought. “Last year during study leave, Garrus gave me a harmonica. I came into Mr. Arterius’ class and blew it in his face before legging it. The detentions were worth it.”

Kaidan chuckled at the tale but the sound made Mr. Arterius’ neck snap round practically 180°, staring Kaidan down like an owl.

Kaidan sighed with resignation. He could tell straight away, with the shitty teacher who was constantly giving him the evils and the fact he was sitting next to the guy he’d been crushing on for two years now that this was going to be his most productive class this year. Not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started as a high school PWP for EDI/Joker that spiralled and became the MShenko you see before you.  
> I will post that EDI/Joker smut once this fic is finished though! They deserve more content.  
> -  
> Because I didn't want to research other schooling systems in fear of getting them completely wrong and ruining this fic, I went with the education system I was brought up on: Scotland.  
> This fic doesn't focus heavily on the actual school aspect of school but it is mentioned in this chapter. It isn't really mentioned again past this chapter.  
> But if you were curious about the system,  
> So the quick rundown is that high school is six years. You start around 12 years old and can leave once you turn 16 as the final two years are optional.  
> Once you get into fourth year, you begin exams if you take subjects at National 5 level. If you pass those exams, you may go onto taking those subjects at Higher, and once completing that you can take Advanced Highers in your sixth year.  
> Shepard and Kaidan are Advanced Higher Maths students. Advanced Highers are basically a simulation of first year level at university.  
> -  
> Since I have the next two chapters written, I aim to post every Sunday until completion! I want to get it all posted whilst I'm on holiday.
> 
> Smut inbound for next week!
> 
> My tumblr is yxnnefer, follow me there and let's chat video games!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda's party is Wild. Joker is enamoured by Edi's belly button piercing, teenagers get drunk, blowjobs happen in bathrooms. All in all, a pretty regrettable night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut may be seen as dubious because Shepard and Kaidan are not fully sober.

Joker had called shotgun, leaving Kaidan and Tali to jump in the back of Liara’s bright blue Ford Focus. Tonight was Miranda’s party and to say that Joker wasn’t nervous would be a lie. You could see it in how he often adjusted his baseball cap in the wing mirror.

Tali, on the other hand, was bursting with boundless energy. Her excitement was clearly reflected in the endless bouncing of her knees.

“Too much sugar?” Joker joked, peering over at Kaidan and Tali in the back passenger seats. Totally wearing the smug smirk of the one who got to ride shotgun. “Or are you excited to see your new boyfriend again?”

Tali flushed with embarrassment, putting a halt to her knee bouncing as she instead fiddled with her hair. She’d left the loose purple waves curls of her hair down tonight. Kaidan cringed, knowing that if she got as drunk as she normally did, her hair was going to get covered in vomit.

“We haven’t labelled our relationship yet,” she told Joker. “And besides, I saw him yesterday for our first date. I’m not _that_ desperate.”

“ _Sure_ ,” said Liara. Tali huffed in response.

“How did that date go anyway?” Kaidan asked. “Actually, now that I think about it you didn’t answer my texts last night.”

Joker ‘oooh’d. “Tali! Did you sleep with Vakarian on the first date?”

Tali’s jaw practically dropped the floor and she vehemently waved her hands. “Of course not, Joker! You know I believe in the third date rule!”

“The third date rule?” Kaidan repeated, confused.

“The unwritten rule of dating is that you don’t have sex until at least the third date,” explained Liara. “The idea is that you’re not having sex too early in a relationship.”

“Ah, I see,” Kaidan said. It made sense he supposed. But he wasn’t sure that it was something he would swear by. He took sex pretty seriously, sure, having waited a good long while whilst he was dating his ex-girlfriend Rahna, before he brought up sex. However, circumstances differ and you shouldn’t always follow that rule. “But you’ve been friends with Garrus for what, five years? And it’s just a guide, right? You aren’t expected to always take it to heart.”

“Blasphemy!” exclaimed Tali. “The third date rule has never done me wrong before!”

It was obvious that Tali was set in her ways so Kaidan left the conversation there. He focused instead on the street lights that flashed past as he stared out the window. He was ready to wind down after only a week back at school, and Miranda’s party was exactly where he was going to do so.

-

Miranda lived in a three story house in the richer suburbs of the town, due to being the daughter of the affluent Henry Lawson. Kaidan had been there before for previous parties but he’d always been astounded by its lavishness.

It was no different this time, walking into the foyer alongside Liara, Tali and Joker. The only real difference was the tagalong of Joker who normally avoided parties like the plague.

The night was young and the party was only moderately buzzing. Some generic music that Kaidan didn’t care for played from bluetooth speakers in the lounge but nobody seemed to take mind of it, instead standing around in groups holding their red solo cups whilst chatting and exchanging banter. Kaidan spotted Jacob’s black leather jacket as soon as he stepped into the room and knew, as Miranda’s best friend, Miranda would be close by. The four of them made their way over.

Jacob was a humble and honest guy, super easy to get along with too. Kaidan wasn’t particularly close to him but they’d shared classes together before.

“Hey guys,” said Jacob upon their approach, easily donning his genuine smile. He raised his bottle of beer in greeting. “Great to see you guys. Especially you, Joker! Man, didn’t think you’d be up for it.”

“Well-” Joker was cut off by Tali.

“He’s braving witnessing the ‘Shepard Shuffle’ in his pursuits for true love’s first kiss,” Tali teased. She cackled loudly when she saw the distraught expression that took hold of Joker.

“True love’s first kiss, huh?” Jacob playfully patted Joker’s back. “I’d love to hear more but I feel that Joker here would die of embarrassment.”

“Ugh…” muttered Joker, tipping his cap to hide his flushed face

“Miranda’s in the kitchen if you guys wanted to go see her, by the way,” said Jacob. He nodded in the direction of the hallway that led out to the kitchen.

“You won’t be lonely if we leave?” Liara asked. Jacob shook his head and gestured to the phone in his hand.

“Brynn’s running a little late but will be here soon so don’t worry about me. When she’s here I’ll probably come seek you guys out,” explained Jacob.

Tali grinned and gave him a thumbs up. “Okie dokie! I’m gonna go get smashed!” She took off, practically skipping towards the kitchen.

“Guess we’ll go catch up with her,” said Kaidan. “See you later, Jacob.” Jacob smiled in response as they left.

In the kitchen, Miranda was indeed there. She was leaned against the kitchen island, wearing a white tube top and a black miniskirt that showed off her endlessly long legs. Kaidan quickly averted his attention away… and onto Shepard who was stood at the opposite side of the island, laughing brazenly at something that Garrus had said. Kaidan’s cheeks warmed ever so slightly as he looked up and down, inspecting what Shepard was wearing tonight. He looked good in his ripped skinny jeans and his galaxy print hoodie.

Tali’s eyes, upon noticing Garrus, lit up with joy and she swiftly took her place at his side. Shyly, she tugged at his hand to get his attention. The much taller man, leaned down to lay a chaste kiss on her cheek.

“Hi, ที่รัก,” Garrus whispered into Tali’s ear. His breath tickled her skin and she giggled in response.

It was sickeningly sweet but seeing Tali so happy made Kaidan grin. However, Joker made a retching noise in response. He stopped, eyes wide with fear when Tali’s head snapped around and she glared at him with all her might.

“Miranda,” Liara said, getting Miranda’s attention. She turned around and smirked at the group. “Great party.”

“Thanks, T’soni.” She flipped her brunette locks over her shoulder in her effortless, holier-than-thou manner. Most people hated her for it, he knew Tali did (if the way her eyes narrowed at the action didn’t give it away already) but he knew that Miranda wasn’t a bad person. Just came off as arrogant.

Heeled footsteps approached. It was Edi, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed in a look of extreme confusion. “Sorry Ms. Lawson, I’ve seemed to gotten lost. I can’t find your bathroom?”

The expression on Joker’s face was priceless when the direction of his gaze fell downwards and landed on Edi’s belly button piercing, exposed by her crop top. Tali couldn’t help herself and snorted into the WKD she was drinking.

“Tali can show you,” said Miranda.

Tali scowled at Miranda but the other girl seemed to pay no mind to it. “I can?”

“Yes and you will.” Nobody was stupid enough to ignore Miranda’s ‘requests’, so Tali did what she was told and lead Edi to the bathroom down the hall.

“Close your mouth or you’ll catch flies,” Liara told Joker. He promptly did so.

“So, piercings, huh?” teased Garrus.

“Shut the fuck up,” Joker huffed. Shepard laughed again. Kaidan wanted to hear that sound forever, ugh.

After laying his crutches down, Joker heaved himself onto one of the barstools and took a bottle of beer for himself, sighing. “Didn’t you come with Sam? Where'd she go?" he asked Garrus, curious but trying to come off as nonchalant as he could.

“She’s in the garden,” said Miranda, shrugging. “I think she’s trying to break up a fight between Wrex and Grunt.”

“Uh. Shouldn’t you be the one doing that? Just in case they, I don’t know, break something?” Kaidan asked. Wrex and Grunt may be family but they were still rugby players that were extremely competitive and loved settling their arguments by roughhousing each other. One could only imagine the damage that two burly teenage boys could do.

“No thanks.” Miranda downed the rest of her solo cup. “I’d rather not end up in a two year coma.”

“Have it your way,” said Shepard. “I, for one, would be down for that. I also really want to know what it feels like to get punched by Wrex.”

Liara stifled a laugh. “I don’t think your nose needs to get broken again.”

“Hey! It’s taken a few hits before what’s one more?” Shepard joked, tapping the side of his crooked nose.

Kaidan chuckled. In response, Shepard shot him a wide grin, practically stopping Kaidan’s heart beat right there and then.

Liara took a can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge before announcing, “I’m going to go to the garden and see if Samantha’s still alive.”

“Good luck,” Shepard said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. She laughed.

“I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

“That’s true. Both Wrex and Grunt have soft spots for you after all,” said Garrus.

Just after Liara had left for the garden, Miranda flitted to the lounge to go change the music, leaving Joker, Shepard, Garrus and Kaidan in the kitchen together.

“Welp, Saturdays are for the boys,” jested Shepard as he brought both Garrus and Kaidan into a teasing hug. Kaidan knew he was just messing around, but the warmth of Shepard’s hand on his back made him nervous. He quickly removed himself from the hug and went to grab a beer.

Edi and Tali chose then to return from the bathroom. They were saying something softly to each other, giggling like little school girls in response.

“Hey,” greeted Shepard. “Here to ruin our sausage fest?”

Edi raised an eyebrow, very confused. She looked around the kitchen. “There are no sausages.”

“He meant-” Joker started before realising that he didn’t want to talk about genitals with Edi. “Nevermind. You’re right. There are no sausages. Shepard’s just being weird.”

Edi smiled. “Okay, Jeff.”

“Jeff?” said Kaidan. He narrowed his eyes at Joker. Nobody called Joker ‘Jeff’ much, even most teachers had taken to calling him Joker. It wasn’t of Joker’s choice of course, it was just a nickname that caught on like rapid fire and he couldn’t be bothered to try and correct people anymore.

Joker tried to hide behind his cap. He gave a sigh of embarrassment as he lowered it. “I told her to to quit calling me Mr. Moreau. It seems that Jeff is our compromise.”

“I see,” said Tali, grinning. “Anyway! Garrus! Let’s go!” She took hold of Garrus’ arm and tried her hardest to pull him away from the kitchen, despite her tininess compared to his figure.

“Uhh… where are we going?” he asked but she ignored him in her pursuits to drag him away.

They were gone.

Seconds later he got a text message from Tali.

_Tali Zorah: im trying to get joker and edi to spend some alone time together_  
_Tali Zorah: if u know what i mean lol  
Tali Zorah: tell shepard whats goin on and try leaving edi and joker as subtly as u can. But not too quickly! They might get suspicious _

_Kaidan Alenko: You weren’t subtle at all._

_Tali Zorah: shut ur whore mouth kaidan_

_Kaidan Alenko: Thanks._

_Tali Zorah: I love you rlly babe._

_Kaidan Alenko: Don’t let Garrus see these messages. You’ll make him jealous._

_Tali Zorah: (kissing face emoji) xxx_

-

A couple bottle of beers later (and perhaps like six in Joker’s case) and Kaidan had decided it was time that he acted upon Tali’s text message despite the fact that Edi was good company. The girl had a great sense of humour and was making the most jokes, despite not have taken more than a sip of the vodka in her cup.

Kaidan tapped Shepard’s shoulder and he leaned over to see what Kaidan wanted.

“Hey, Tali had a plan to make Joker spend time with Edi,” he whispered. “She wants us to leave them in the kitchen to speak and stuff.

Shepard nodded. “Sure. God knows that Joker should get laid.”

Kaidan laughed at that, drawing Edi and Joker’s attention. He waved it off. “Alright, let’s go meet up with Tali and Garrus. They should be in the lounge.”

Whilst walking through the hallway, Kaidan bumped into a girl, the contents of her cup spilling onto his shirt.

“Sorry!” she said, but was quickly on her way.

Shepard, because he was the worst decided Kaidan, laughed at his lack of fortune.

“Oh fuck me,” he complained.

“Is that an invitation?” asked Shepard, quirking a brow and throwing Kaidan a cheeky smirk.

What. “Oh… Uh.” Kaidan didn’t know how to react. Shepard was surely messing around with him… but when he looked up and saw Shepard’s expression he wasn’t as sure.

Silence overcame them. And it was… weird. It had never been weird for them before, Kaidan mused. He always enjoyed peaceful silence around Shepard. It was never awkward. They took comfort in the fact they didn’t have to force conversation. But this was different. Odd.

Kaidan felt self-conscious under Shepard’s penetrating gaze. He took a swig from his beer bottle and Shepard’s gaze immediately travelled to the bob of his Adam’s apple. The tantalisingly slow swipe of Shepard’s tongue along his bottom lip was enough to tell Kaidan where this was going. Neither of them were sober. This was a bad idea. But not bad enough to make him turn away when Shepard leaned in to kiss him, his hands gently pushing against Kaidan’s chest. In fact, he tilted his head to meet Shepard’s lips with ease.

The pace of the kiss was relaxed, the movement of their lips comfortable and in time with one another. Kaidan let his mouth open slightly, giving access to Shepard’s tongue that teasingly explored the insides of Kaidan’s mouth.Shepard was the one who stepped back, when it really should’ve been Kaidan. Sensible Kaidan would’ve reminded Shepard they were absolutely hammered and they should really stop. Sensible Kaidan should’ve known that drunk make-outs with Blake Shepard would only lead to heartache and heartbreak. Clearly, Sensible Kaidan was sleeping on the job because Kaidan didn’t walk away.

“Well, was it?” asked Shepard.

Confused, Kaidan tilted his head. “What was?”

“Was it an invitation?”

“Oh… I suppose it was.” He leant back into kiss Shepard but he pulled away again. Kaidan was ready to freak out; run away from Shepard; change his name; flee the country; grow a moustache; whatever.

Instead, Shepard asked, “Wanna take this to the bathroom?”

“Yeah,” Kaidan replied, as eloquently as ever. He let Shepard take his hand and all but yank him into the bathroom.

He felt as if he were having an out of body experience as Shepard slammed the door shut behind them. Feeling entirely detached from the situation, he watched almost distantly as Shepard pinned him against the door. He felt a hot mouth attack his neck with ferocity. Kaidan let his head fall back against the door as he moaned, flinching at the hard impact.

Shepard didn’t notice, or if he did, he didn’t care. His hands were at Kaidan’s hips, sneaking their way underneath the cotton of his plain black t-shirt. Shepard’s hands were rough, just as Kaidan had imagined within his fantasies.

The small part of Kaidan’s brain that hadn’t fizzled out and died when Shepard first kissed him out in the hallway, less than two minutes ago, remembered that the bathroom door still needed to be locked. He reached behind to try and fumble with the lock, but co-ordination was difficult when he was as tipsy as he was and Shepard’s thigh was pressed up against his crotch.

Shit, Kaidan was suddenly well aware of how long it had been since he was with someone if how quickly his dick had reacted to the pressure was any clue.The door clicked to signify that it was locked into place just as Kaidan began grinding against Shepard’s leg, his want for relief clear. However, there just was too much fabric between them. Kaidan cursed letting Liara convince him into wearing skinny jeans as his quickly hardening dick strained against the tight denim.

  
He was nothing if not eager when Shepard took his belt into his hands, getting into his jeans and releasing his dick from the confines of his underwear. Kaidan let his head fall to Shepard’s shoulder when Shepard took his dick in hand, slowly pumping it. He moaned, wanting - no - needing more.

Shepard got down on his knees and without warning took Kaidan’s hard member into his mouth.

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Kaidan gasped. When he followed Shepard into the bathroom he didn’t know what he was expecting. A make out? A quick handjob? He definitely wasn’t expecting Shepard to get down on his knees and give him a blowjob, right there in Miranda Lawson’s bathroom. If Miranda ever found out, he’d be dead.

“Shepard actually,” Shepard joked, pulling away from Kaidan’s dick with a smirk. He groaned, both at the godawful joke and the loss of Shepard’s hot, wet mouth around him.

“That is the most unoriginal joke I’ve ever heard,” Kaidan deadpanned.

Shepard raised a brow, curious. “You hear it often?”

“Are you implying I do this often?” Kaidan had to stop his hips from bucking forward into Shepard’s mouth as Shepard swirled his tongue around the head of Kaidan’s cock. “Because I don’t tend to take this kind of thing lightly. Wasn’t how I was raised.”

Shepard made a sound that sounded like a mocking ‘mhm’ but it wasn’t clear with the fact his mouth was currently occupied.

Kaidan noticed the pattern Shepard generally stuck to. A lick to the slit of his cock, making him grip Shepard’s shoulders just a bit tighter, a lick down his length, and then he would gently take Kaidan’s dick into his mouth before repeating the pattern again. But then just after he licked the slit of Kaidan’s dick, he pressed a hand to his balls as he took Kaidan into his mouth as deeply as he could, trying his hardest to keep his nasal breathing steady. Kaidan cried out in pleasure and had to hold onto Shepard’s brunet locks to keep himself from gagging him with his cock.

Shepard reacted well to the feeling of Kaidan’s hands in his hair, harshly tugging. He all but groaned around Kaidan’s cock as he took himself in hand, jerking himself off.

He groaned loudly. “Ah, fuck. Shepard, I’m away to -” he said, moments from cumming down Shepard’s throat. Shepard didn’t let up though, continuing the take Kaidan’s cock in full, fucking his mouth deep.

He came into Shepard’s mouth with a shout and his hands fisted in Shepard’s hair. “Fuck. Shit. Shepard, I am so sorry.”

Shepard sat back after swallowing Kaidan’s cum with a small grimace. He wiped the cum that had managed to drip down from his chin with the back of his hand. “No worries. Wanted to.”

Kaidan quickly put himself back into place, zipping up his jeans and doing up his belt.

“Oh. Okay.” He didn’t know what else to say. “Do you need me to uh…” He gestured down to Shepard’s crotch.

“No. It’s cool. Jacked myself off during that blowjob. Couldn’t help it. You sounded so fucking hot, Kaidan,” Shepard groaned, taking a few steps forward until he had Kaidan up against the door. “You okay if I kiss you?” Even with the fact Shepard probably tasted of his cum, he nodded. Shepard braced one hand against the door as he kissed Kaidan, open mouthed and sloppily. The kiss was salty but not unpleasant.

There was a buzzing sound, and then vibrations from within Kaidan’s backpocket. Someone was phoning him. “Sorry,” Kaidan told Shepard who shot him an inquisitive look when he was shoved off.

Liara was calling him. And he’d already missed three previous calls from Tali.

“Hey,” he said.

_“Where are you? Joker’s completely wasted. I want to get him home.”_

“Just got caught in conversation with someone. Where are you guys? I’ll come find you.”

_“Out in the garden. Tali and Garrus are both with me.”_

“Okay. Just coming, Liara.”

He turned to Shepard who already had the door unlocked. He gave Kaidan’s ass a quick slap as he walked through and Kaidan turned around to glare at him. Shepard whistled innocently.

“Hey. You… wanna do this again sometime? No strings attached,” said Shepard.

That was a very bad idea but the blowjob had been mind blowing, and to experience it again would be heaven. Hell, making Shepard orgasm was practically a dream of his. This was definitely the worst idea ever, but Kaidan had already participated once. What would be one more time? Or a couple dozen times?

“Yeah, sure. Send me a message… or something.” And with a reddened face he was off to go find his friends out in the garden. He walked as quickly as he could, head down, through the groups of drunken teenagers until he was out on the decking and could see Joker hunched over, leaning on the wall as he spewed.

Tali yelled something in Russian as she ran towards Kaidan. “Where have you been?! You completely disappeared and weren't answering your phone!”

“Um.” Kaidan bit his tongue. What would he tell them? The truth? Not now, not when Joker looked as a pale as a sheet and was moments away from collapsing into Garrus’ arms. “Long story. I’ll tell you in the car.”

Liara nodded and gestured for Garrus and Kaidan to help Joker limp to the car. They helped Joker into the car whilst Liara put his crutches in the boot.

After getting in the car and igniting the engine, Liara turned around and told Kaidan, “There should be a bottle of water in the car door. Make him drink it.”

Kaidan nodded, and then scoured the door compartment for the water bottle. He handed it over to a grateful Joker who drank like he’d been thirsty all his life. Some of the water spilled down his chin when the car started moving. Kaidan sighed.

“So this is why Joker doesn’t come to parties often I see,” Garrus commented, looking at Joker’s woozy figure who was sat between him and Kaidan in the back of the car.

“Don’t ushually get this drunk I sweeeaaar…” Joker protested, half heartedly and words slurring together.

“It’s true,” Liara said. “He’s normally the tame one. It’s always Tali we carry home, ass over tip drunk and vomiting everywhere.”

“I was surprised when you said Joker was wasted. I really expected it to be Tali,” Kaidan admittedly, sheepishly shrugging at Tali when she turned around and glared at him.

“I had a couple WKDs I guess, but Garrus had me up and dancing the whole time I just forgot to drink,” Tali said, a loving smile gracing her lips.

Garrus rubbed his neck and fiddled with the gold necklace that he wore, embarrassed. Joker sighed loudly. “You two are so cute. I hate it!”

“Alright, calm down, Jeff. What’s got you so upset?” Liara asked, her caring mother tone clearly showing in her voice.

“Edidoesn’twannadateSam,” Joker babbled, words tumbling so quickly from his mouth that no one could understand him. With a self-pitying sigh, he leaned against Kaidan’s shoulder. He smelled of cheap beer and vodka. There was a silence as they waited for him to speak again, but he didn’t.

“Could you repeat that please?” asked Liara.

Joker huffed like a child before repeating his words slower. “I saaaaid, Edi doesn’t wanna date Sam!”

“Uh. Isn’t that a good thing?” questioned Garrus, confused as all hell.

“She said she doesn’t wanna date any - uhhh… any..? Anyone!” Joker slurred, head falling back against the headrest with a thump.

“Ah.” Kaidan felt pity for Joker. “You guys were getting along fine when I was with you in the kitchen though?”

No response.

“He’s asleep,” announced Garrus.

“Just like that?” Tali asked, shocked.

Garrus shrugged even though she couldn’t see him, sat in the seat in front. “Apparently.”

Liara’s classical music playing from her car radio was the only thing that filled the silence after Joker had fallen asleep. Until she turned the volume down and decided to speak up. “Where did you disappear to, Kaidan?”

He froze, unsure if he was going to come outright and tell them what happened. Especially since Garrus, Shepard’s best friend, was sat in the car with them despite the fact Kaidan was friends with him too. “...uh. I may have, um, broken the third date rule,” he feebly admitted.

“You did what?! With who?! Where?! How?!” Tali practically screeched.

Kaidan regretted wording it like that, when he had to cover his ears in order to prevent them from bursting upon hearing Tali yell so loudly.

“Shepard,” he mumbled so quietly that nobody could hear him.

Except Garrus, who was sitting on the opposite side of their Joker sandwich, did. “Shepard?” he asked. “ _Spirits_. Trust him to not be able to keep it in his pants.”

Tali turned around to look at Kaidan, surprise evident in her features. Kaidan knew that if he could see Liara’s face right now, that she would have the same look on her face too.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“But-” Tali started. Liara shot her a quick look that shut her up. “Alright.”

-

Liara dropped Garrus home first. He was walking up the driveway when Tali angrily tapped against her window. He turned around. “Oh. Right. Tali.”

She lowered the window and leaned out so Garrus could kiss her. He was shy as he planted a quick kiss on her. “See you,” she said, voice low.

Tali raised the window with a wistful sigh as he finally did leave, watching as he walked up to his front door.

She was quickly brought out of her reverie though.

“Shepard gave me a blowjob.”

Tali yelped at Kaidan’s sudden divulgement. “He did?! о боже!”

“It was… pretty good if I’m honest.” Kaidan admitted. “I didn’t even know he swung that way.” Both Tali and Liara laughed. “What?” he asked defensively before narrowing his eyes. “You knew? And didn’t tell me?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Liara said, not sounding sorry at all. “We thought it was obvious enough.”

To make it even worse, Tali giggled before she said, “I tried to ask him out when he first transferred here. He turned me down because I wasn’t ‘his type’. It didn’t take me very long to figure out what his type was.”

Kaidan groaned. “Oh my goooood. This is so embarrassing. I can’t believe I’ve been so blind.”

“Anyway! Did you two have some big romantic confession before he went down on you super romantically?” asked Tali. Kaidan cringed. Oh no, of course they would assume Kaidan and Shepard had started dating.

Liara quickly figured out what his silence to the question actually meant. “Oh,” she said. “You two aren’t-”

“Yeah,” he replied.

Tali gasped. “But you’re Kaidan. You don’t do casual sex.”

He knew what Tali meant but couldn’t help but feel offended at her words. “Why not? I can do what I want.”

“Of course,” said Liara. “But, this doesn’t seen like it’s going to end well… If I’m being honest. You’re in love with him, Kaidan. Don’t you think that having sex with him is going to make things worse? Especially if he doesn’t like you the same way.”

What Liara said made sense but he was tired and didn’t want to listen. Kaidan had made his shitty decision and was going to stick by it. “I’m not arguing about this. I want to go home and sleep.”

It was then that Joker, with his shit timing, woke up. “Fuuuck,” he groaned. “My head hurts… what’s with the tension?”

“Never mind,” muttered Kaidan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> Thai - ที่รัก meaning darling  
> Russian - о боже meaning oh my god
> 
> yeah Garrus is Thai in this fic bc Im Thai and I love Garrus so... that happened
> 
> Tumblr: yxnnefer


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan goes over to Shepard's house, part one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut. A safeword is also discussed. Nothing hardcore BDSM.

Kaidan woke up Sunday nursing a relative migraine. It’s what he got for going to a party where there was loud voices yelling and music. As shitty as it sounded Kaidan was thankful that Joker had gotten shit-faced last night and they’d gone home early due to it. He wasn’t dealing with the side effects of a nasty hangover since he hadn’t drunk that much. Tipsy enough to think sneaking off to the bathroom with Shepard was a good idea, but not so drunk that he was vomiting into a toilet bowl currently, which was definitely what Joker was doing right now.

He stretched his limbs out, sighing as his arms made a satisfying ‘click’ sound. Kaidan rolled over to pull his phone from its charger. Two texts from Tali, one text from Liara, a snapchat from Joker, and a Facebook message … from Shepard.

He checked the snapchat from Joker first. It was… a picture of a hospital. And the caption read, “ya boi fractured their arm.” Oh fuck.

Kaidan quickly snapped a picture of the ceiling and wrote “SHIT WHAT HAPPENED?”.

He didn’t get a reply at first, and so he went on to check Tali and Liara’s text messages.

_Tali Zorah: Hey, I hope u didn’t think me and Liara were being rude last night. We love u and were just concerned x  
Tali Zorah: You should do what you want, and who knows?? maybe Shepard does have feelings for u and this’ll turn out like that one Justin Timberlake movie?? what was it called lol_

_Kaidan Alenko: You mean Friends with Benefits? Haha, I doubt that.  
Kaidan Alenko: But thanks Tali._

_Tali Zorah: (kissing emoji)_

_Kaidan Alenko: Yeah, Garrus is totally going to think you’re cheating on him._

_Tali Zorah: My boyfriend won’t get in the way of me showing my best friend some love! xx_

_Kaidan Alenko: Love you too, Tali._

Finally, he got a reply from Joker through Snapchat’s instant messenger.

Joker: Passed out on the sofa when u dropped me home. And promptly rolled off it sometime during my sleep lmao.

_Me: Fuck  
Me: Is it bad?_

_Joker: Well, nah. I’ve got a splint on it currently. Docs gonna wait until swelling has gone down for me to get a plaster cast on it.  
Joker: i cant really use my crutches whilst it heals so I’ll be in a wheelchair for a bit :/_

Joker snapped a picture of himself, pale and sickly with a great big frown to top it all off. He captioned the snap with “my hangover is the worst, man. feeling like shit”

It was Kaidan’s turn to be the rude friend and he replied, “you look it too”.

_Joker: Id send a pic of me flipping u off but that requires both hands so i cant_

_Me: That’s kinda funny._

_Joker: >:(_

Kaidan left Snapchat to check his remaining text message. The one from Liara.

_Liara T’soni: I expect Tali has already texted you but I wanted to let you know that I wasn't shaming you for your actions last night. You’re smart and I trust you to keep yourself safe._

_Kaidan Alenko: I knew what you meant and I do appreciate it. Thank you._

_Liara T’soni: Tali’s already sent me like ten texts about how she predicts this will turn out like that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis film and if it does she’s expecting me to pay her like a tenner._

_Kaidan Alenko: (laughing face emoji)  
Kaidan Alenko: I think you’re good, Liara._

_Liara T’soni: I’m not so sure, Kaidan. My purse already feels like it might be lighter._

Kaidan laughed out loud at Liara and Tali’s teasing but they were just fun and games. He knew that Shepard didn’t have feelings for him in the way Kaidan did and perhaps it was selfish for Kaidan to be fooling around with the guy when he wanted more. Kaidan had craved this intimacy with him for so long now though… and now that it was right in front of him, he knew that he should say no. But he didn’t last night. And depending on what Shepard had messaged him, he predicted he wouldn’t say no once again.

With a sharp little intake of air, Kaidan opened the message from Shepard.

_Blake Shepard: hey, don’t know if you’re feeling up to it but you wanna come over to mine?  
Blake Shepard: we can watch netflix and eat pizza (and nap lol)_

That sounded… so chill and not what Kaidan expected. He wasn’t sure what he expected honestly, a more obvious booty call? Could that even be considered a booty call? It seemed like a casual friend date but he’d noticed that Shepard had mentioned watching Netflix…

 _Kaidan Alenko: I just woke up. Haha, I’m the worst for sleeping in on Sundays. Totally not a morning person._  
_Kaidan Alenko: what time do you want me over?  
Kaidan Alenko: And what’s your address haha?_

Oh God. Kaidan cringed. He’d written ‘haha’ twice within three messages. Lord kill him now, that was so _embarrassing_.

 _Blake Shepard: i dont mind, man. give urself some time to get ready and stuff_  
_Blake Shepard: so like 4pmish_  
_Blake Shepard: Also i live on the Silversun Strip??  
Blake Shepard: in the Tiberius Towers_

_Kaidan Alenko: Ah, okay. I’ll look it up on Google Maps.  
Kaidan Alenko: Is there a bus stop nearby?_

_Blake Shepard: Yah there is_

_Kaidan Alenko: Cool, makes my life easier._

_Blake Shepard: I thought you could drive?_

_Kaidan Alenko: Yeah but my car’s in the garage rn. Old hunk of junk is falling apart. And can’t borrow my parent’s car bc mum’s doing house calls today._

_Blake Shepard: Oh yeah. ur mum’s a hairdresser yeah?_

_Kaidan Alenko: That’s right.  
Kaidan Alenko: Anyway! Gotta get moving if I’m going to catch the bus! See you in about an hour_

_Blake Shepard: See you x_

The letter x shouldn’t make Kaidan’s heart feel so… fluttery. He put down the phone with a sigh, willing himself to get it together. Pulling a towel from the radiator, he made his way down to the bathroom to have a nice hot shower and perhaps get rid of his morning wood (except it was really late afternoon wood. But his dick didn’t take that into account, did it?)

-

He looked to his watch, rushing down to the bus stop at the corner of the next street down. The shower was a little longer than Kaidan had planned and picking out what he was going to wear took longer than expected. He had wanted to look nice but also look like he wasn’t trying too hard to look nice and ended up trying on multiple different outfits until he finally settled on a graphic t-shirt, a bomber jacket and distressed boot cut jeans.

The bus was already at the stop when Kaidan got there. He sprinted full speed ahead to get there before it pulled away. Huffing, he hopped onto the bus just before the doors were closing. The bus driver gave him a stern look as he bought his ticket and headed over to one of the few free seats.

Ah. How Kaidan despised public transport. A child in a pushchair threw it’s toy across the bus. There was a beat before the screaming began. Kaidan sighed. He especially hated buses.

Three stops later and like twenty snapchats from Joker complaining about how much he hated hospitals, he was at the stop located at the Silversun Strip. He shoved his phone into his messenger bag before slipping the bag over his shoulder and carefully shuffled to the doors, grabbing onto the grips by the seats as he made his way down.  
  
The Silversun Strip was one of the livelier parts of the town due to the surrounding restaurants and bars, as well as it being the location of the Silver Coast Casino. Being late afternoon, it was relatively quiet but Kaidan knew that as the evening approached it would become busier, even if it was a Sunday. He quickly scoured out where the Tiberius Towers were and made his way towards the apartment complex. He paused to get his phone out of his bag so he could quickly check what floor Shepard had told him his apartment was on.

He got on the elevator, pressing the floor Shepard’s apartment was. The doors opened to a huge window that overlooked the expanse of the Silversun Strip and beyond. It was breathtaking. Peeking at the time of his phone, it was 16:16. Kaidan drew himself away from the window and made his way to the end of the hallway, where he pressed the buzzer and waited.

Seconds later, the door opened and Shepard was stood in front of him in a pair of purple shorts and a disgusting orange shirt. It read, ‘whatever’ and had a picture of the infamous Garfield scowling. He didn’t miss the bunny slippers either. Kaidan sighed. Someone call the fashion police on Blake Shepard. Please.

Shepard gave Kaidan the up and down too. Kaidan felt so small in that moment as Shepard, the object of his affections, scrutinised him and his outfit before saying, “Nice. The X-Files, huh?” Oh. He was referring to the image of Mulder’s ‘I want to believe’ poster on his shirt.

“Thanks. At least I don’t look like an inmate.” He made a gesturing motion to Shepard’s prison-orange coloured shirt.

“Well, at least I don’t look like a fucking nerd,” retorted Shepard.

Kaidan opened his mouth to argue but realising Shepard was right, he closed his mouth again. He shrugged. “Touché.”

Shepard stepped to the side, allowing Kaidan access past the front door. “Well then, feel free to come inside, nerd.”

Upon entering into the foyer, Kaidan stepped out of his vans and neatly left them next to the shoe rack by the front door. “Thanks for inviting me into your humble abode.”

“You’re very welcome, Alenko,” teased Shepard. He bowed as Kaidan walked past him. “David and Kahlee went out to visit Kahlee’s parents today, so uh, you won’t have to deal with seeing your teachers today.”

Kaidan laughed. He wasn’t scared to bump into them per se, but seeing your teachers outside school always struck as weird. He didn’t know how Shepard did it, being the son of two teachers but then again he supposed he was used to it. “Colour me thankful then.”

He followed Shepard down the corridor that lead to his bedroom. He noticed the punching bag in the corner, as well as the chin up bar that was located at his closet door. Kaidan wasn’t going to lie, he was a little turned on by how into fitness Shepard was.

Shepard noticed him staring at the chin up bar. “My record’s one hundred and eighty three.” He leaned against the wall, sporting a cocky smile as Kaidan did a double take at him.

He spluttered out a, “Fuck.” (No, he was not imagining Shepard pulling himself up on that bar. He didn’t fantasise about him being shirtless, with his back muscles rippling every chin up.)

Shepard laughed at that. “Yeah, well, James came over boasting about how his record was one hundred and eighty two so I obviously had to show him up.”

“That’s so… extra.” Kaidan let out a sigh of exasperated fondness but smiled at Shepard’s silliness.

“That’s me, Blake ‘Extra’ Shepard,” Shepard said with a shrug. “Anyway, take a seat, dude.” He gestured to the bed. “I’ll put on Netflix and we’ll watch whatever you want...” Kaidan noticed that Shepard was trying to stifle a yawn at the end of his sentence

Kaidan took off his jacket and hung it across a chair, and after laying back on Shepard’s bed with a pleasant sigh (because the covers were so soft and cozy) he asked, “You tired?”

After kicking off his bunny slippers, Shepard laid down next to him. “Mm, a little… Didn’t wake up with too bad of a hangover but I’m definitely shattered.”

He tried to ignore how close Shepard was to him and how if he wanted to, he could slink an arm around him and cuddle up next to his warm body. But Kaidan ignored his desires, instead asking Shepard, “What time did you get home?”

Shepard seemed sheepish at the question. “Uh… like two o’clock.” He noticed the surprise on Kaidan’s face. “Yeah, well I slept on Miranda’s couch and then Jack and I went to McDonalds for late lunch so…”

“No wonder you’re tired,” Kaidan deadpanned.

“Well, what time did you get home? I uh, couldn’t find you after…” the rest of his sentence went unfinished but Kaidan could practically hear the silent _‘I gave you a blowjob in Miranda Lawson’s downstairs bathroom’._

“Joker got trashed so we took him home. Speaking of Joker, the idiot’s in hospital now because he fractured his arm.” Kaidan chewed his lip in worry. It wasn’t the first time Joker had been in hospital due to broken bones of course, accidents had happened and Kaidan had been with him when he’d broken ribs, fractured thumbs and so much more. But this had happened not because of Joker’s own stupidity and doing something he knew was going to injure him, but rather because Kaidan was a shit friend and didn’t make sure Joker was sleeping somewhere sensible.

Shepard noticed the worry in Kaidan’s features. “What happened?”

“He passed out on the sofa and fell…” Kaidan admitted, “I should’ve helped him to his bedroom or something…”

“Hey, man. Shit happens.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “Was that meant to be comforting?”

Shepard shrugged. “I’m not good at mushy stuff so take it as you will. But I’m sure Joker doesn’t really care. I mean, he didn’t die choking on his vomit because he had responsible enough friends who made sure he got home. So what if you forgot to consider that Joker has brittle as fuck bones?”

“I uh…” Kaidan was at a loss of words. Sure, what Shepard was saying made sense, but he also sounded like a complete asshole. “I guess”

Without warning, Shepard clambered over Kaidan to grab something off the bedside table. He laid there, stiff as a brick as he watched the muscles of Shepard’s shoulders move against his shirt as he leaned further off the bed. He snatched the Xbox controller from the table and promptly rolled back into place.

“Sorry, forgot I left the controller there,” Shepard said nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t practically pinning Kaidan against the bed mere seconds before. But considering that Kaidan’s dick was in Shepard’s mouth last night, that wasn’t a particularly big deal. “Anyway.” He passed the controller over to Kaidan as he snuggled into Kaidan’s side. “I leave my Netflix in your hands.”

Kaidan gripped the controller tightly, willing himself to ignore how close Shepard was right now and how domestic he looked nestled at his side, head resting on Kaidan’s shoulder. He flicked through the Netflix options before he realised that Shepard was dozing off. Kaidan flicked through a few more menus before he heard Shepard start to snore.

Oh well, he supposed he didn’t really care for TV at the moment anyway. What was the harm of taking a nap, especially when Shepard was already sound asleep against him?

He let his eyes flutter shut and his body relax against Shepard’s own, letting an arm wrap around Shepard’s shoulders.

-

Shepard was on the opposite side of the bed when Kaidan woke up for the second time that day. Shepard was still sound asleep though, and Kaidan didn’t want to bother him by turning on the TV or something. Instead he reached into his messenger bag on the floor next to the bed and pulled out his 3DS which he knew had Animal Crossing: New Leaf in the game slot.

He quickly lost himself within the game, not paying mind to Shepard’s snoring in the background.

Half an hour had passed and he was completely focused on his DS when a hand slinking up his thighs broke his concentration. Ah. Shepard must be awake now.

Shepard gave his ass a squeeze and it took all of his self control to ignore him. Animal Crossing was way more important than rutting against Shepard, or at least, he tried to make himself believe that.

Shepard, ever the stubborn one, scuttled closer to Kaidan. So close that Kaidan could feel his hot breath on his neck as Shepard spooned him. They were so close to each other he could feel Shepard’s dick hardening against him. He felt something like pride at being able to turn Shepard on like that.

Oh my God. That was a huge ass fish. Kaidan quickly tapped buttons on his DS and got out his character’s fishing rod so that he could catch it. He aimed the tiny version of himself on his screen at the fish and pressed ‘A’ to cast the fishing line. The bobber floated about as he waited for the big fish to bite it. There was a splash when the fish did but before he could press the ‘A’ button to reel it in, Shepard leaned into him, whispering directly into his ear, “Kaidan, I wanna fuck you.”

Kaidan’s heart pulsed. He faltered and failed to press the button in time, as a result the fish swam away. Dammit.

After saving the game, he set the DS down and rolled over so he was facing Shepard. He bit his lip, unsure of what to do or say. Sensing his worry Shepard cradled his face and said, “Hey. If you’re not cool with it, we don’t have to.”

“That’s not it,” Kaidan said. He worried his lip again, going over the words he wanted to say in his head. “I’ve never had sex with another guy. I’ve done research into it but I don’t really know what I’m actually doing.”

Shepard nodded, understanding. “Okay. The important thing is though: are you down for it?”

Kaidan thought for a moment but the answer was pretty clear in his mind. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” His face warmed when Shepard smiled at him.

Shepard got up of his bed, rumbled in his drawers for a bit and then pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube. Kaidan tried not to let his facial expression show his nervousness, but he had clearly failed when Shepard lowered the lube with apprehension.

“I’ll bottom,” Shepard said, taking a seat next to Kaidan. He soothingly rubbed his hand over Kaidan’s legs. “I’ve done it before and it’s been pretty enjoyable for me.”

Kaidan nodded. “Okay. Let’s do that then.” Shepard smiled before he kissed him, throwing the condom and lube somewhere on the bed. Shepard’s touch was soft, massaging comforting circles into Kaidan’s arms in a reassuring motion. “Mm, Shepard,” mumbled Kaidan. He gave Shepard’s bottom lip a quick nip to get the ball rolling and change the atmosphere into one of faster pace.

“As much as I appreciate your shirt, let’s get it off you. It’d look so much nicer on my bedroom floor.” Shepard paused the kissing so he could fully watch as Kaidan’s expression turned into one of exasperation.

Kaidan groaned. “You are the worst.” Despite that, Kaidan was grinning mere seconds later.

“You love me.”

Kaidan’s breath hitched but Shepard said nothing. He must’ve not noticed. Good. He wasn’t prepared to ruin this with shitty romantical feelings.

Shepard did make good on his word though, helping Kaidan out of his t-shirt. Shepard ran his hands along the planes of Kaidan’s torso, his hands cold to the touch. He shivered when Shepard began to plant kisses along his collarbones, whilst at the same time Shepard’s hands pressed into his waist, inching closer and closer to the waistband of his jeans.

Shepard made quick work of the belt buckle and was quickly unzipping Kaidan’s jeans. Kaidan lifted his hips to help Shepard tug his jeans off, and throw them into a pile where his shirt lay. Kaidan grasped Shepard’s hands before they could get even get close to his briefs. “Yeah, I’m not getting fully naked before you even have your gross Garfield shirt off.”

“It is not gross,” Shepard grumbled but he was lifting the shirt up above his head anyway. Kaidan watched with curiosity as Shepard shuffled back until his back hit the bedrest. He started to get the idea when Shepard grabbed the bottle of lube in one hand and started to push down the waistband of his shorts. “Sit back and watch, Kaidan.”

Oh. ‘ _This was happening_ ,’ thought Kaidan, his dick twitching in response to the action of Shepard coating his fingers in lube. He watched intently, his mouth going dry as Shepard pushed one of his fingers into himself with a small sigh of pleasure. Watching Shepard prep himself… was, well, hot and Kaidan didn’t stop himself from palming his hardening dick through the cloth of his briefs.

Shepard’s breathing became heavier as he inserted another finger, stretching himself out. Kaidan couldn’t help it now, and slipped his underwear off so he could fully get hold of his dick and stroke himself in time with the breathy moans Shepard was making as he fucked himself on his fingers. Those moans were the best and the worst thing ever, Kaidan decided.

On the other hand, Shepard decided he was getting impatient and before rolling over so that he was ass up, he threw a condom package that hit Kaidan square in the face.

“You’ve got a good throwing arm.”

“You won’t have an arm if you don’t hurry up and fuck me,” growled Shepard. That set Kaidan into action, unwrapping the condom and slipping it on. He reached over Shepard to grab the lube, dick brushing against Shepard’s ass. He pressed against Kaidan, making him hiss in return. However, Shepard paused in his movements. He furrowed his brows as he thought for a moment. “Safeword is Garfield.”

“What?” Kaidan said, giving Shepard a look of confusion.

“I like rough sex but if you think something is going too far, say 'Garfield',” explained Shepard.

That actually made a lot of sense, thought Kaidan. He nodded in agreement. “Okay. You use it too.”

“Yeah.”

He clicked open the bottle of lube, slicking his hand and then his dick with it. Impatiently, Shepard reached out behind him and grasped Kaidan’s waist, using force to pull him closer. Finally, finally Kaidan pushed inside of him, a soft groan of, “ _Fuuuck_ ,” from Kaidan, as Shepard clenched against him tightly, was heavy in the air

“Damn,” Shepard breathed. “Yeah, that’s good. Mm, you can move now.” Kaidan nodded before pulling out almost completely and then thrusting in hard. Shepard let his head fall against the pillow, moaning helplessly in pleasure. “Fuck me like that, Kaidan, you’re so good.”

There was something about the praise that made Kaidan heat up and his fingers dig into Shepard’s hips. He wanted to make Shepard compliment him like that again, wanted to feel the heat of his words burn his skin. Kaidan grip on Shepard became tighter as his thrusts became deeper and harder.

Remembering how Shepard reacted to having his hair pulled last night, Kaidan decided to do something experimental and very not Kaidan. As he fucked into Shepard, he pulled at his hair, forcing his head up from the pillow and making him look back at Kaidan. His eyes were half lidded in ecstasy as he groaned at the pressure of Kaidan’s hand gripping his hair. “God, you’re perfect, fucking me like this, giving it to me rough.” Shepard groaned when Kaidan removed his hands from his hair, letting him drop to the pillow. It was obvious that being toyed around with got Shepard off and Kaidan, who’d never experimented sexually like this, was getting off on it too.

“Jesus, Shepard,” groaned Kaidan, his hips stuttering.

“Mm, that’s it,” said Shepard. “Fuck, turn me over. I want to see your face. Want to see your expression when you cum.” Kaidan obliged, pulling out so he could flip Shepard over onto his back.

Shepard bit into Kaidan’s shoulder as he inserted himself back inside. The pain wasn’t unbearable or anything, but wasn’t particularly pleasant either. Upon seeing the wince across Kaidan’s face, Shepard sensed that he’d misjudged and licked apologetically at the bite mark, soothing the area with the wetness of his tongue.

Kaidan started with fast, shallow thrusts, giving Shepard what he wanted but keeping him on edge, ready to beg for more. Shepard knew exactly what Kaidan was trying to do however, and refused to resort to begging, instead teasing Kaidan in return through digging both his nails and the heels of his feet into Kaidan’s back. Despite his immense willpower, Kaidan was finding it difficult to keep up with the trying pace he had set.

However, Shepard soon enough gave in, begging, “Fuck, please.” He kissed the bite mark on Kaidan’s shoulder. “I need it harder, K!” he pleaded.

Kaidan had managed to get someone as steely as Shepard was to beg for him. And if that wasn’t hot, he didn’t know what was.

He slowed down his pace as he fucked into Shepard harder, making Shepard keen every time his dick thrusted into him fully. It was entirely endearing to Kaidan seeing Shepard like this, more intimately than he’d ever dreamed. But still, it wasn’t exactly as he’d hoped.

It wasn’t a big thing no, but Kaidan noticed that Shepard avoided kissing him. Kaidan tried to catch his mouth as he adjusted his angle, Shepard’s head went to Kaidan’s shoulder, awkwardly tucked there as a clear sign that Shepard was not into the kissing. Kaidan found it odd considering Shepard and him had kissed the night before, hell they’d even kissed before they’d started having sex this time. However, Kaidan couldn’t bring himself to ponder it too hard, when Shepard was under him like he was.

It wasn’t long before Kaidan’s thighs began to burn and Kaidan could feel himself ever so close to the edge, he tried to hold it off as he took Shepard’s dick into hand but the intensity of the heat pooling in his gut was too much to ignore. He groaned, letting his hips buck forward. “Fuck, shit, gonna cum!” he moaned. Shepard nodded, holding onto the back of Kaidan’s neck.

“Yeah, fucking cum for me, K. That’s fucking hot,” Shepard murmured into Kaidan’s ear. Kaidan stuttered in his thrusts, unable to keep the pattern he’d been sticking to as he came in Shepard with a loud gasp.

Exhausted, Kaidan was ready to pull out but knew he had to take care of Shepard and his hand returned to Shepard’s cock, jerking him off quickly. It didn’t take long before Shepard was groaning Kaidan’s name as he came in spurts, hot cum dripping onto his stomach

“Kaidan,” Shepard panted when Kaidan had pulled out his softening dick. Kaidan looked up at Shepard before he was quickly enveloped in a kiss, Shepard’s tongue enthusiastically exploring his mouth. He whined when Kaidan pulled away.

“We…” Kaidan trailed off as he fully looked at the picturesque scene that was Shepard, his pale skin a flushed red and his brown hair matted with sweat that made it stick to his forehead. “We should clean up,” Kaidan said finally.

Shepard made a non-committed, “Mm,” sound. Kaidan rolled his eyes and pulled Shepard so he was sitting up. Shepard groaned. “Fine. Let me go have a shower. Also, there’s a bin in the kitchen for throwing away the condom.” As an afterthought he added, “I’ll order pizza after I shower?” It was a question despite not sounding like one. However, Kaidan knew Shepard meant _‘if you’re staying?’_

Kaidan smiled. “Sounds great.”

-

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Shepard stood fully naked in the bathroom, staring directly back at the reflection of himself. Drunk Shepard never had good ideas. Hell, Sober Shepard never had good ideas but this one? This one took the cake. Having no strings attached sex with Kaidan was the worst possible idea Sober or Drunk Shepard had ever come up with.

Because Shepard was so very much attached.

He turned the shower on, leaving his hand underneath the cold jet of water as he waited until it was practically scorching hot in temperature.

Standing underneath the burning hot stream of water, Shepard had time to reflect on what had just happened. First of all, Kaidan was fucking good in bed. And not at all as timid as Shepard had imagined he would be. He shivered at the memory of Kaidan pulling him by the hair, a thing he’d obviously recalled Shepard liking from last night.

But what Shepard had found unbelievably and adorably endearing was Kaidan’s praise kink, and the way Kaidan would blush when complimented. It was…cute. He wanted to get out of the shower now, lean his head into the bedroom and tell Kaidan just how fucking adorable he was to see Kaidan tense up and flush at the praise.

Shepard couldn’t feel help but feel guilty at using sex as a means to get closer to Kaidan. Whilst it was all Shepard knew how to do, it was also extremely shitty.

Lathering himself in soap, Shepard thought about telling Kaidan that this was a mistake and they should never do this again, or ever speak to one another for the rest of the year and then should go onto different universities so they’d never have to see each other for the rest of their lives, but he knew he wouldn’t have the guts to do it. He’d go back into his bedroom where Kaidan was sat and Shepard would try to resist jumping him again.

He sighed, letting the water rinse him off before getting out and grabbing a towel. He watched his reflection in the mirror again, furrowing his brows intensely. He was so fucked, literally and metaphorically, and all of it was his fault for having goddamn bloody feelings. Jack would smack him into next week if she’d found out that he was having such a stereotypically teenaged crush. It even made Shepard gag thinking about it.

He walked back to the bedroom, where Kaidan now on the corner of his bed, fully dressed, and playing Animal Crossing once again.

Unable to think of anything else to say, Shepard said “Hey,” as he sat down next to Kaidan. The other boy seemed to tense at the proximity, most likely due to Shepard wearing only a towel. But hey, they’d just been totally naked in front of each other so what was the harm.

“Hey,” Kaidan said in return. He didn’t look up from the DS. Shepard leaned back onto his elbows and looked up at the ceiling.

The chirpy music from Animal Crossing was the only thing that kept them from total silence.

Well, this wasn’t awkward at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so my plans for this fic have changed and I'm no longer feeling the ending I had planned out for it. As a result, this fic will now be longer and somewhat slowburn. I don't know if I'll be able to do weekly updates once it becomes longer since I'd planned it to be four chapters but I'll update on tumblr if the situation changes.  
> My tumblr is the same as my ao3 name, yxnnefer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Shepard hang out, part two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing! This chapter is pretty short, just something to wrap up Kaidan and Shepard's date of sorts so that we can move the plot on.
> 
> Although Dragon Age is another Bioware game, I know not everyone's played it so although there is talk of it, I tried to keep it spoiler free. The boys mainly geek out over the romances, haha.
> 
> Chapter trigger warnings: Kaidan briefly talks about biphobia. Quick mentions of burn scars, is implied to be childhood related cigarette burns. Although not a big focus, I've added an Implied/Referenced Child Abuse tag to be safe.

 

In the time Shepard was in the bathroom, Kaidan fully came to the realisation that was _‘Holy shit, I slept with Shepard.’_ Shepard, the guy he had wistfully pined for since he transferred to Grissom Academy in fourth year, and the guy he didn’t realise wasn’t straight until yesterday. He needed to lie down. But first he had to put on some clothes, before Shepard came back from his shower just to see Kaidan just as naked as he’d left him.

After throwing his clothes back on, he sat back down on the bed and reevaluated the situation.

He’d fucked Shepard.

His crush of two years.

What the _fuck._

In his panic, he a hand through his hair and noticed how disgustingly sweaty it was _ugh_. He definitely needed a shower when he got home… Which reminded him that he should’ve been headed home by now, but instead he was sticking around to eat pizza with Shepard after they’d… Goddammit, why did he say yes to the pizza? The rumbling in his stomach was the answer to Kaidan’s question. He sighed. He never could turn down food.

What would he even say to Shepard when he came back into the room? What was he going to do? Silently try to avoid meeting Shepard’s eyes as his moans replayed in his head? Try to pretend that he hadn’t just been fucking him roughly? Pretend that he hadn’t seen the tiny burn scars that littered the small of Shepard’s back when he’d turned over, begging Kaidan to fuck him?

 _Deep breath, Kaidan._ He was overthinking again. He couldn’t help his tendency to catastrophize but he needed a distraction. _Aha,_ his DS! Of course, Animal Crossing would do. He picked up his DS again, losing himself to the game within no time.

Before long, he heard Shepard’s footsteps loudly padding down the hallway before he entered the room. Shepard took a seat on the bed next to Kaidan, the mattress dipping under the added weight. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Kaidan replied back.

It was awkward and weird. Kaidan bit his lip, unable to think of anything but Shepard’s naked body writhing under him a mere ten minutes ago. It didn’t help that Shepard was sat next to him in nothing but a towel. Out of the corner of Kaidan’s eye, he could see the beads of water from the shower slowly drip down Shepard’s collarbone… He achingly watched as it travelled down his torso.

Suddenly, Shepard got up with a groan, stretching out his arms. The towel slipped a little lower down his hips - Kaidan gulped.

He quickly averted his eyes when Shepard made his way to the wardrobe, dropping his towel in the process. Those blemishes on his back were on show again but Kaidan knew not to ask. Instead, he looked over to Shepard’s CD collection when _it_ caught his eye.

“You play Dragon Age?” Kaidan practically squeaked in his fanboy excitement. His exclamation clearly frightened Shepard, who turned around in surprise, forgetting he was completely naked. Kaidan had to keep his eyes from lowering. Shepard quickly noticed and hastily threw on a pair of underwear.

“Uh, yeah,” he said sheepishly, “You play too?”

Kaidan nodded with enthusiasm as he began to set away his DS, putting it away in his bag again. “Yeah. Joker introduced me to the series, actually.” Shepard made an ‘ _ah’_ sound.

“I was the one who introduced it to _him.”_ Shepard laughed, the infectious sound made Kaidan laugh too.

Shepard was wearing a loose pair of black joggers now. He looked… _good_ and really, really attractive in a relaxed, no effort whatsoever sort of way. Kaidan liked that. A lot.

“The whole romance aspect was what really got me into it,” Kaidan admitted, rubbing his neck. Of course romance wasn’t all there was to Dragon Age… but he’d be lying if it wasn’t a big part of why he played. “Uh, I just really appreciated that there were bisexual characters… like me.”

Shepard nodded even with his head half way into his t-shirt. Kaidan had to hold back the groan when he saw what t-shirt Shepard had put on. It was _another_ Garfield shirt. This time reading ‘I hate Mondays’. _Shepard and his fucking Garfield shirts_ , Kaidan thought. It was obvious in the shit eating grin Shepard had on his face, he was very aware of Kaidan’s annoyance at his obsession.

“I get that,” Shepard said. “Fourteen year old me was ecstatic when Dragon Age Inquisition released and had exclusively gay characters. My favourite romance was with Cullen because his awkwardness got me off, but _fuck_ , did Dorian’s storyline resonate with me. It made me appreciate David and Kahlee so much more, because I know…stuff’d be different if they hadn’t adopted me.”

Kaidan stayed silent but nodded. He knew practically nothing of Shepard’s upbringing, only knew that he was fostered by Kahlee Sanders and David Anderson until they adopted him, but he was told that through Liara, never having spoken to Shepard about that kind of thing before.

“If you don’t mind me asking… what about your parents, Kaidan?” Shepard shyly asked. “Uh, about you liking… guys and girls.” He walked back over, taking a tentative seat next to Kaidan again.

“Oh… uh.” Kaidan was at a loss for words. “I suppose my mother was really supportive when I came out to her. She said she’d love me no matter what. But uh, coming out to my father was a lot more difficult. We don’t exactly talk all that much…” He wanted to take everything back, felt like he was oversharing but the look of interest that Shepard held made him continue. “He was really quiet when I told him. No reaction. Nothing bad. Nothing good. Just a sound of acknowledgement before the conversation just… stopped there. We haven’t talked about it since but the way he brings up my ex-girlfriend makes me believe he’s hoping I settle down with a girl.”

It was… emotional baring his personal life like this to Shepard. His eyes burned and tears threatened but they never came. Shepard placed a hand on Kaidan’s. The warmth was a pleasant reassurance. “Let’s order pizza, yeah?”

The way Shepard danced around emotions was frustrating but at the same time, Kaidan appreciated it. Appreciated that Shepard didn’t push too hard, didn’t make him talk about things he didn’t want to. He was either blunt when feelings got too real, his advice when Kaidan was worried about Joker was proof of that, or he ignored the situation completely. In a way, his insensitivity was a good thing. He wanted to stuff his face with pizza more than he wanted to talk about his dad.

“We’ll go halfs on the pizza,” said Shepard, pulling out his phone so he could order online. “I’m having Hawaiian on my side.”

Kaidan made a face at that. Pineapple on pizza? No thanks. The only thing he could appreciate about a Hawaiian pizza was the Canadian bacon. “I’ll have a Barbeque Meatlovers on my side.”

Shepard barked a laugh. “Meatlovers, of course.”

Kaidan knew he had to pretend to be mad but couldn’t help laughing too. He did mockingly roll his eyes and punch Shepard in the shoulder though. “Fuck off, your humour is so juvenile.”

“Mmkay,” Shepard said. “Well, the pizza is ordered. Say we have about half an hour to talk about Dragon Age some more before it arrives… or we could make out.”

“I’m drawn to talking about Dragon Age,” Kaidan said. A smirk graced his lips when Shepard showed open disappointment.

“Well, I’m drawn to your lips,” Shepard said, leaning in to kiss Kaidan. Kaidan chuckled at the bad line but met with Shepard’s lips anyway, his hands quickly finding their way to Shepard’s wet hair.

Shepard pulled them down onto the bed so that Kaidan was on top. His hands immediately went to Kaidan’s ass where they gently squeezed, causing Kaidan to moan and roll his hips into Shepard’s.

“Ah, fuck,” Shepard breathed. “Yeah, do that again.” He did, his heart practically swelling within his chest when Shepard groaned loudly at the contact.

Then his heart flipped when Shepard gently nibbled at his earlobe, before whispering, “You’re so cute, babe.” He immediately felt his face burn and his jeans feel tighter because of the compliment.

“I’m _not_ cute,” mumbled Kaidan.

“Then handsome I guess. Just take the damn compliment will you?” Shepard pressed a kiss to Kaidan’s nose. The lack of sexual intent behind the kiss made Kaidan uncomfortable, used to kisses leading to other things with Shepard but the uncomfortable feeling wasn’t… unpleasant. It made him feel warm.

But then Shepard was back into bucking his hips into Kaidan’s and the romantic moment was gone and they were back to the… sinning. _Good,_ Kaidan thought, he didn’t need to he confused further. This whole… friends with benefits situation that was developing between him and Shepard was difficult enough.

When kissing Shepard, it was easy to lose track of time, and even easier to melt away into his touch. The juxtaposition of his gentle, calloused hands, travelled restlessly across Kaidan’s body; sweeping down his sides, caressing his ass, one hand wandered up his back before settling at the base of his neck, whilst the other continued to grip at his ass. He sighed into Shepard’s mouth. The feeling of Shepard’s fingers gently playing around with the curl of hair at the base of his neck sent shivers up his spine.

He found himself unbearably bound up when Shepard rolled them to the side at the sound of the doorbell. His trousers felt tight, his breathing uneven, his dick hard, needing release. This was the purest form of torture, was so close to getting off through the friction between them but then Shepard was up and off the bed, rushing the front door for that godforsaken pizza.

He wasn’t gone for long, and came back through to the bedroom in a dramatic fashion. Bowing as he set the box of pizza down in front of Kaidan.

“M’lady.”

Kaidan snorted.

“So, we got making out out of the day. Dragon Age is next. Who’d you romance throughout the series?” asked Shepard, straight to the point as always Kaidan supposed. Shepard picked up a slice of his pizza, the tomato sauce getting all over his mouth when he took a bite. His messiness made Kaidan cry on the inside, but also made him want to carefully lick at Shepard’s lips… what.

His distraction at Shepard’s messy pizza mouth got Shepard waving a hand in front of Kaidan’s face. His hand was covered in pizza sauce too. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “Uh, sorry, got lost in space there for a second, haha… So my romance for Origins was Leliana… like, hardened Leliana is really attractive okay?”

Shepard nodded. “Yeah, I can get behind that. Two?”

“Two was Anders.”

“No!” exclaimed Shepard, “You didn’t!”

Kaidan groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I _did,_ on my first run too! I didn’t know he was gonna, y’know, do the thing!” he cried. “I don’t condone his actions… but you gotta admit… He’s hot.”

“I mean… I suppose. I romanced Fenris so… Like, fuck, he is a fine specimen of elf. You romance Fenris and you never come back. You’re a changed man from that point on.”

Kaidan shrugged. “His romance _is_ pretty sweet. Apart from the whole leaving you thing, which I don’t blame him for, I just had a heart attack when it happened because I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Me too,” Shepard said. Kaidan took the opportunity to start digging into his pizza, holding it in a way that the sauce wouldn’t get all over him like it did Shepard. “Inquisition romance? I think I already told you I’m a sucker for Cullen.”

“Mhmm,” Kaidan said, his mouth still full. After swallowing he said, “Okay, so it’s a tie between Josephine and Iron Bull.”

Shepard laughed. “You got a thing for the Qunari?”

Kaidan felt his ears heat up, he shook his head. “Ugh, yes he’s attractive but I really like his personality! And the sex scene… is pretty good too.”

“Haha, I gotcha. I won’t ask why you’re attracted to Josephine because honestly, same. There’s not a person who can’t like her. She’s the best.”

“Isn’t she?” Kaidan wistfully said, taking more pizza.

They ate their pizza in silence after that, well, except from the noisy sounds Shepard made as he ate. Except Kaidan couldn’t stand it anymore. He leaned in and tried to wipe away the tomato sauce from Shepard’s mouth with his fingers. Shepard furrowed his brows in confusion.

“What are you doing?”

“You’ve got tomato sauce all over your mouth, you pig,” complained Kaidan as he continued to scrub away with his fingers.

“You should lick it off,” joked Shepard, or well, Kaidan hoped Shepard was joking.

“Yeah, no. You can go wash your face in the sink, nasty.” Kaidan paused. “And your hands too,” he added as an afterthought.

“Fine _, mother,”_ Shepard said haughtily before getting up and stomping off to the bathroom next to his bedroom.

Kaidan wiped his own cleaner hands on a napkin to make sure they were completely grease free before he checked the time on his watch. It was coming up to eight pm just now, the last bus had left five minutes ago. _Shit_. He really needed to get home. He supposed having to walk home was karma for getting so distracted by Shepard.

Getting up, he went to where his jacket lay on Shepard’s chair and threw it on before double checking he had put everything in his bag.

Shepard came back into the room just as Kaidan was away to head off. “You going?” he asked, slight frown on his face.

Kaidan sighed. “Yeah, I missed the bus so I’m walking home.”

“I can give you a lift.”

“Would you? That’d be awes- wait.” Kaidan paused, remembering a very important detail about Shepard. “You drive a motorcycle.”

Shepard shrugged in a manner that said ‘ _yeah, so?’_ Kaidan frowned in response.

“She’s really not bad I swear, like, she’s just a scooter. Those things are tame as hell. And besides, if you get scared you can always wrap your arms around me,” Shepard teased, throwing a wink in Kaidan’s direction. He grinned at Kaidan’s exasperation. “I’m a safe driver - oh, but don’t feel like I’m forcing you!” he added hurriedly, pink tingeing at his pale cheeks. It was cute seeing Shepard so embarrassed.

Which may or may not have just won him over.

“Okay. But you’re not dropping me off in front of my house. I don’t want my parents having a heart attack.”

Shepard looked up at him, the normally harsh lines of his mouth twisting into a soft smile.

-

So that was how Kaidan found himself staring at Shepard’s black bike, gripping Shepard’s spare motorcycle helmet in his hands. The helmet, somewhat obnoxious in its design, was black and had red and white stripes that went across it. Shepard had slid a matching one over his own head, already saddling the seat of the bike.

“You gonna stand there all day?” he said, turning the key in the ignition, the motorcycle jumping to life, the loud noise also giving Kaidan the jump of his life. “Put your helmet on and then get on, we haven’t got all day, man.”

Kaidan nodded, hurrying to slide the helmet over his head. He stood in front of Shepard’s bike, worrying a lip as he thought about how he was to get on. Did he just have to lift a leg over and try to lift himself on? Wouldn’t that just disrupt Shepard’s balance on the bike and send them both topping over?

“Dude. It’s cool, just, uh, lift your leg over and like just sit,” Kaidan did as he was instructed. “Yeah like that. Put your feet on the pegs? Do you see them? Yep, you’ve got it. That’s good. See wasn’t that easy?”

“Uhuh. Totally.” Kaidan scowled, but it was moot with Shepard’s back to him and his face was covered by the helmet, of course.

“A’right…” Shepard paused, seemingly thinking something over. “You can like, balance yourself by gripping that bar behind you.” Kaidan reached behind himself, feeling for the bar. He gripped onto it tightly once he’d discovered it.

“Thanks. I’m good.”

The motorcycle’s exhaust thundered behind him and Kaidan cringed internally for Shepard’s neighbours but also laughed internally for how cliché this all was. If his arms were wrapped around Shepard’s waist, and if Shepard were wearing a leather jacket instead of the ketchup stained mustard coloured hoodie he’d thrown on before they left, Kaidan would’ve been the goodie-two shoes girl who fell in love with the no-good delinquent who was secretly a jerk with a heart of gold… That wasn't actually all that far off. Dear god.

The bike ride wasn’t actually all that bad once Kaidan had stopped squeezing his eyes shut. It was like driving with the windows down - watching the city pass him by with the added bonus of the evening air whip by him. It was nice.

As Shepard slowed the bike to a halt, at the street that was just before Kaidan’s own, Kaidan let out the breath he’d been holding. Whilst the ride was alright in the end, it didn’t mean he wasn’t fearing for his life despite the relatively relaxed speed.

Getting off the motorcycle was a little harder than getting on, and Kaidan stumbled backwards a little before he managed to catch himself and pull himself upright. He didn’t miss Shepard’s small chuckle at his clumsiness though.

After taking off his helmet, Kaidan shrugged. “Hate to admit it, but I guess riding a motorcycle isn’t that bad.”

Shepard lifted off his own helmet before he said, “Stick with me and my motorcycle isn’t the only thing you’ll be riding.

Kaidan’s eyeroll was almost audible. “Fuck you,” he said in mock exasperation but to be fair, he’d set himself up for that one and it was pretty funny (and fairly true).

“That’s the idea.” This time an eyebrow waggle accompanied the joke.

Kaidan groaned. “Stop it!” he whined, only furthering Shepard’s howls of laughter. He stomped his feet into the ground in frustration and Shepard was full on having a fit of laughter now.

“Oh, you’re too easy to frustrate,” said Shepard, finally calming down. He exaggeratedly dabbed at his eyes, wiping away fake tears. “I mean, next to Ash, but she’s fairly easy to wind up.”

“I’m glad you’ve found a hobby you’re good at. You’re practically effortless at it too. You have a real talent for annoying the shit out of people,” said Kaidan. Shepard chuckled. “Anyway. Thanks for the lift home. Uh… what do you want me to do with the helmet? It’s not like you can wear two.”

Shepard waved his hand in a dismissive manner. “Keep it for a bit. I can get it back another time.”

“Ah okay. Cool, I’ll do that.” Kaidan pursed his lips, unsure of what else to say. It seemed pathetic to end the night like that. “Um. Thanks for today, Shepard. It was… good. See you around.”

“Yeah, you too, K.”

“That nickname is highly annoying.”

“You didn’t complain about it when you were fucking me.”

“Ugh, shut up,” Kaidan groaned yet again.

“Make me,” said Shepard, tone reminiscent of a young child. So Kaidan did as requested and kissed Shepard on the lips to ‘make him shut up’. He pulled back and found Shepard sat silently, expression hard to read. He quickly turned his back so he didn’t have to deal with the eye contact.

“GOODNIGHT SHEPARD! BYE!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As school will resume for me soon, I only be able to write whenever I have time meaning updates will be sporadic. I have a plot outline now though so I'm really excited for you guys to see where this fic is going!  
> As always, my tumblr is yxnnefer  
> Thanks for the love, loves.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mothers and dating dilemmas, the Kaidan Alenko story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo sorry for the few months absence, I returned to school and promptly got my ass kicked by higher maths and physics.  
> this chapter isn't the most exciting especially for my big comeback after such a long time away from this fic so i apologise for that, but a lot of this is just a prelude into more fun and cliché high school romance tropes.
> 
> Real quick mention of past shepard/james but not really a big thing here. Just to let u know.

Kaidan winced when the front door closed - the wind slamming it shut for him and making him jump when a loud clang resonated down the hallway despite his best efforts to sneak in quietly. Holding his breath, he slipped off his shoes before attempting to silently pad up the staircase. He was only on the third step when he heard footsteps enter the foyer. He slowly turned around and saw his mother standing there, hands on her hips.

“You missed dinner,” she said. Her dark eyebrows were knitted together and her lips pressed to form a stern line.

He sheepishly smiled at her. “Sorry, mum. I was at a friend’s and lost track of time. Don’t worry, I already ate.”

“You could’ve texted.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

She sighed, running a hand through her thick greying locks. “It’s okay. Don’t forget to tell me next time.” His mother gave him the once over before her eyes narrowed. Kaidan immediately felt self conscious. Did she know what he’d been up to? How would she? She pursed her lips before saying, “Come here.”

“What is it?” Kaidan asked, but came down the steps anyway and stood in front of his mother. Despite being a head taller than her, he felt intimidated under her gaze.

She poked his neck. “What’s this?” Her tone was stern but he saw her try to fight a smirk that was threatening to break.

His hands immediately clamped over the spot she’d poked at. _No,_ it couldn’t be what he thought it was. When did - ? He couldn’t recall Shepard giving him a hickey… _it must’ve been when they were… you know… fucking._ He was hardly aware of anything other than the sensations coursing his body and wouldn’t have noticed Shepard giving him a hickey. Still… this was odd. The area where Shepard bit his shoulder ached, a bruise probably already forming, but he didn’t feel anything on his neck

“It’s n-nothing,” said Kaidan. “I should go.”

“You’re not going anywhere, mister,” teased his mother, giant grin on her face. “You’re in _looooove_ ,” she sang.

 _If only she knew,_ thought Kaidan. “Uh… Do we have to talk about this?”

“Of course we do!” She grabbed his hand and all but yanked him into the living room, shoving him onto the couch so they could talk. “So… when were you going to tell me about them?”

Never, he wanted to say, but with the hickey on his neck he knew he wasn’t weaseling his way out of this. “We haven’t been seeing each other for long so I didn’t want to say anything yet… It’s all very new.”

“How new?”

“ _Muuuum_ ,” he groaned, “you’re so nosy.”

She threw her hands up in defence. "Hey! It’s my job to be nosy. But anyway, I want to hear more about your ‘friend’," she mocked.

“There’s really not much to say, I haven’t been seeing him for long.”

“Aha! So it’s a him!”

 _Fuck, that was a bad slip up._ Now she knew that the person he was ‘seeing’ was a guy. But maybe that was a blessing in disguise? Knowing about his dad’s poor reaction to Kaidan’s interest in guys, she probably wouldn’t tell his father.

The worried look on his face was enough to concern his mother. “I won’t tell dad. I want you to be the one to tell him. When you’re ready of course, but I promise you, Kaidan, he’s still going to love you.”

Then why didn’t he tell him that when he came out? Why did he always steer the conversation away from sexuality? If he didn’t care who Kaidan dated then why was he still so upset about Kaidan being dumped by Rahna?

“What’s your boyfriend like?” his mother asked, catching him off guard.

“Oh, uh. He’s… nice…” His mum stayed silent, eyebrow raised as she waited for him to continue. “He makes me laugh. A lot. He’s a bit grumpy at times but it’s more of a front that he puts on than anything.” _Shut up,_ he thought to himself as he got carried away whilst talking about Shepard.

“You gonna tell me his name or what?”

Kaidan shook his head. “I’m a teenager, mum, I’ve gotta have some secrets.” _Please let her be content with that answer,_ Kaidan prayed. She pursed her lips but didn’t say anything. He took that as a yes.

“I suppose… but you keep that offer for dinner in mind. I want to meet this boy and figure out if he’s good enough match for my baby.” 

Kaidan groaned when she called him that but gave in anyway. “Fine,” he said, getting up. “Gonna go to my room and do some homework before turning in for the night. Goodnight, mum.”

She stood up too, quickly kissing him on the cheek before he could run away. “Goodnight, baby.”

Kaidan made his way to the upstairs bathroom, eager to get a look at the blossoming love bite on his neck and figure out the best course of action in covering it. He couldn’t wear a scarf, it was only August after all and people would still see it when he took off his scarf for class. Damn, maybe he could get Tali to come over before school and help him cover it with concealer? That could work, he knows she knows how to after all.

He tentatively pulled the pull chain that operated the bathroom light, ready to see the damage Shepard caused… And yet saw nothing at his neck. He pulled his shirt to the side and did indeed find that his shoulder had been left with a hickey, but his neck was barren of any marks, bruises or otherwise.

...what?

-

It was a drearily grey Monday morning and Shepard was dead tired as he walked into his Politics class. He got little sleep last night, unable to get Kaidan off his mind. Fortunately however, his bedsheets no longer smelled like Kaidan and sex, having changed them when he got home, but just changing them wasn’t enough to make him forget what had happened between them.

And then there was the kiss Kaidan had planted on him before racing off, leaving Shepard alone trying to figure out what everything meant. What did he mean to Kaidan? Was he nothing but a quick lay? The kiss on his motorcycle last night suggested otherwise but still, he was unsure.

“Did you do the homework?” asked Ashley as Shepard slumped into the seat next to her.

“...no,” Shepard admitted. In all honesty, he had forgotten that they had homework. Mr. Udina would be fuming but with the whole Kaidan situation that was going on, Shepard couldn’t care less about stupid Politics homework. 

“Good. I didn’t do it either,” said Ashley. “I mean, goddammit Shepard, it’s only the second week of school and you’re already letting your grades slip? Shame on you.”

Shepard rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” he replied.

There was a beat as Ashley pursed her lips, thinking something through, before she said, “So. Miranda’s party.”

“What about it?” asked Shepard.

“You went.”

“I did. You didn’t.”

“Yeah, well, it was my sister's birthday.”

Shepard had a bad feeling about where this conversation was headed. His predictions almost confirmed when Ashley furrowed her brows in a look of frustration (and disappointment, _definitely_ disappointment).

Tentatively, Shepard decided it was time to rip the plaster off. “Is this about Kaidan?” 

“Words already spreading about it. Shepard, tell me the rumours aren’t true.”

“...well, they’re not... false.”

“You didn’t!” Ashley gasped in disbelief. “Are you guys hooking up now?”

“I mean… we didn’t establish anything but I think so?”

She let her head fall to her hands. “I always knew you were stupid, Shepard, but this is a new stupid for you.”

Defensively, Shepard folded his arms and glared at Ashley, who raised her head and glared back. It was 9am on a Monday for fuck’s sake. He didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of Ashley’s wrath right now. Mr. Udina walked into the room with a thermos of coffee before Shepard got a chance to retort.

Later, he elbowed Ashley to get her attention about half way into the lesson as they were copying down notes. “Why the hell are you so mad about me and Kaidan?”

“Grammatically, it’s Kaidan and me, actually.”

“Shut the fuck up, Ash,” Shepard said, tone taking a slightly teasing lilt. “Anyway, you never care about the guys who I hook up with. You didn’t care when James and I fucked that one time even though you have a crush on him. Why the fuck do you care so much now?”

Ashley sighed. “Because you’re so obvious, Shepard.” He looked at her in confusion so she continued, explaining what she meant. “You’ve got serious feelings for that boy.”

Shepard dramatically collapsed into his crossed arms and groaned into the desk. “Oh my god. You know?”

“For fuck’s sake.”

Raising his head up, only to see Ashley’s resigned, disappointed face staring blankly at him, Shepard began to babble, “God, Ash, I like him so much I don’t know what to do with myself. He has a nice ass and the cutest laugh. So, yeah, maybe banging him isn’t the best way to show him that I’ve had a crush on him since I saw him in that skimpy police officer outfit at Liara's Halloween party last year. But can you blame me for leaping at the chance to bone him?” Ash frowned. “Shit, Ash, don’t look at me like that! I’m aware I fucked this. Just tell me what to do to fix it.”

Ashley set down her pen, rubbing her temple in frustration at the guy she considered her best friend. “It’s really not that hard, dumbass. Just ask him out. A dinner and a movie always works. And I know Kaidan. He’s a diehard romantic and he’ll go for that. Hook, line and sinker.”

Shepard groaned once again, knowing Ashley was right though he’d never admit it.

“Now, stop whining about your love life and just listen to me for once. So James messaged me last night…”

He zoned out after that, knowing Ashley’s usual tirades like the back of his hand, and so instead he began thinking of the next chance he’d get to see Kaidan and how he could ask him out to see the newest Blasto film without cocking up further.

-

Kaidan, absentmindedly fiddling with the popsicle stick of his finished ice lolly, as he barely acknowledged Tali go on about how excited she was for the release of the Nvidia GeForce GTX 1070 Ti. (To be fair, it was exciting.) He lifted his gaze upwards, and watched as her ice lolly slowly melted as she kept ignoring it in favour of speaking. The red liquid dripped down the stick, threatening to make it’s way to her fingertips.

“But anyway, I finally, finally, got round to fitting the water coolers into my PC and I know you’re all pro-fans and what not, once you see how good the purple glow looks and how silently my machine runs you’re going to have a nerdgasm, Kaidan. It’s amazing. It took a lot of hard work but it was so worth it - hey, are you even listening to me? Hello?”

Tali paused in her rant and tugged on Kaidan’s sleeve to catch his attention. He jumped, startled. “Ah, sorry, Tali.”

“What’s wrong? You never miss the chance to lecture me about putting liquid inside a ‘perfectly good machine’.” Tali frowned at Kaidan and he couldn’t help but shrink into himself sheepishly.

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind.”

Tali made a ‘hmm’ in acknowledgement before silence washed over the two of them as she suddenly remembered the lolly she was holding and started work on eating it. Kaidan knew she was giving him a chance to talk without having to be prompted by questioning and he appreciated it.

“It’s about my parents,” he explained. If anyone understood parent issues, it was Tali. “And Shepard. In a way.”

Her interest was visibly piqued by that. She bit into the lolly to try and play it off, but winced when the pain kicked in her sensitive teeth. Kaidan gave a snort at that.

“Yeah. I saw Shepard again yesterday,” he admitted. 

Tali’s eyebrows immediately raised in surprise. “And did you guys…?” she trailed off but the question was clear. Kaidan nodded. Tali’s mouth gaped open in a silent scream. “Was he good?” He rolled his eyes and groaned at the question. Of course she'd ask something as subjective as that to embarrass him. "What? I’m curious,” she said, shrugging.

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Yeah, but satisfaction brought it back.”

Kaidan sighed. “Fine. He was good.”

Tali raised an eyebrow.

“Really good. I mean as good as a fumbling teenager can be. Are you satisfied?”

She grinned widely. “Muchly.” However, the grin fell as quickly as it came. “But seriously, what’s the issue with your parents?” she asked, tossing her now also finished lolly stick into the bin next to the bench they were sat at.

“Mum _miiight_ think I have a boyfriend now.” Kaidan slumped. “She caught me coming back home last night and sat me down and tried to pry information out of me about who I was ‘seeing’. She was already convinced I was out with someone so I couldn’t exactly lie to her. And obviously I didn’t want to tell her the thing between Shepard and me is purely sex so I went along with the boyfriend storyline.”

“Oh,” Tali said simply.

“Yeah.” Kaidan pursed his lips. “She really wants to meet my ‘boyfriend’ and I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s not like that.” Tali laid her head against his arm as he talked. The weight and warmth was comforting to him. “But continuing the lie would be pretty shitty too.”

“Maybe you could tell her things aren't working out with you and your ‘boyfriend’?” suggested Tali, mimicking air quoted when she said ‘boyfriend’.

“I suppose. She’d fuss over me like crazy, of course, but at least I could avoid continued lying.” It would be the perfect solution, of course, but Kaidan wasn’t particularly keen on that idea, and by the way Tali was furrowing her eyebrows it was clear that she had picked up on that.

“But?”

“But mum mentioned my dad,” he mumbled. “It wasn’t anything big. But I think she really wants my dad to know about my ‘boyfriend’. And I suppose… I want to be open about it with him too. So he’d finally be faced with the prospect since I know he thinks I’ll get over it. That at the end of the day, I’ll marry a girl. And I want to show him that he’s wrong so bad but it’s not like I really have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, Kaidan,” came Tali’s voice, low and sweet. She snuggled into his side further. “I can ask Garrus to be your fake boyfriend,” she jested, trying to lighten the mood. 

Kaidan laughed and shook his head. “As much as I’d appreciate that, and as funny as it would be, I think Garrus would implode under the stress of meeting my father. And besides, he’s… very how do I say this…”

“Heterosexual?” Tali suggested, a teasing grin on her face.

“I was going to save very in love with you, but I suppose you’re not wrong either.”

She giggled in response, and asked “you think so?” Kaidan nodded firmly. You’d have to be blind not to see it, he thought. “Anyway, do you wanna go?” 

“Sure,” he replied.

The two of them got off the bench, collected their school bags and continued on their walk home after their ice popsicle break. Kaidan noticed Tali deep in thought and mussed her hair slightly. She automatically smacked his arm away as she always would.

“Though, in seriousness, getting someone to play your fake boyfriend would totally work.”

Kaidan scoffed at the suggestion immediately. “No way. My parents would see straight through that. And besides who else can I ask other than Joker? Might I remind you that he’s the shittiest actor I’ve met and that my parents already know him.”

“Okay, so definitely not Garrus or Joker,” said Tali, shrugging. “But we’ve got other options.”

“Yeah? Like who?”

“Wrex?”

Kaidan snorted. “Definitely not. My parents would die of a heart attack.”

Tali deflated. “What about Grunt then?”

He instantly shook his head. “No, he’s like a little brother. That’s weird.”

“But it doesn’t matter! It’s only pretend!”

“Yeah, but it’s meant to be believable pretend,” he retorted. 

“Okay, then how about Jacob?”

Kaidan paused. “That could work. But… I’d feel weird asking him to do that especially when I only ever talk to him in Physics.”

Tali sighed loudly in defeat. “That’s all the plausible options. Unless you wanted to ask Conrad.” Kaidan cringed visibly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. But… You could always ask Shepard. He is the real person who got you into this mess anyway.”

“Oh no. Definitely not,” said Kaidan, shaking his hands in a ‘no way in hell’ gesture. “My life is not becoming some shitty fake dating shoujo manga.”

“It basically already is,” argued Tali, bumping her side into Kaidan’s.

With all that was happening with Shepard, Kaidan couldn’t exactly not call his life a shitty shoujo manga; an especially shitty one of course, where he was doomed to loneliness.

“If I don’t admit to it, maybe it won’t be true anymore.”

Tali smiled. “Don’t think it works like that, Kaidan."

Why couldn’t his problems go away when he ignored them? Life would be so much easier. Kaidan sighed in his despair. Talking about his problems was beginning to drive him crazy, so he steered the conversation away from him and onto their up upcoming test in Physics, listening to Tali rattle on about special relativity the rest of the way to his house.

Stopping in the middle of her tracks and startling Kaidan in the frenzied way she turned to him in her ephiphany and yelped, "James!" 

"What?" Kaidan asked, "Is he here? Where?"

"No! James would totally agree to be your fake boyfriend for you!" explained Tali, bouncing as she let Kaidan take in the information.

She was right. Tali was right! "Crap, that would work! I'm going to message him right now," he decided, pulling his phone out of his pocket. However, on his lockscreen a notification from Facebook messenger displayed.

_MON 15:42_

_Blake Shepard: hey we need to talk_

"Ooh," Tali said as she peered at his phone. "Sounds way ominous."

"Yeah... you can say that again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this chapter is p short and convo heavy so pls forgive me aaa.  
> there's more exciting stuff I want to do with this fic and I'm sorry im updating at such a slow pace, school stresses me out and I want to be able to write smth good, which I can't do when im high strung over not crashing and failing, how do people do the getting into uni thing thankz
> 
> but anyway i appreciate the comments and following of this fic!! There's some comments I've accidentally missed replying to, but I've read all and ily ppl who take the time to write something <3 The mshenko community is so lovely and gives me the motivation to keep going with this fic even though this is probably the most ive ever worked on one idea and the fact writing is not my strongest point
> 
> also the pointing out the hickey thing is somewhat based on a true story my own mother did to make me fess up lol


End file.
